the greatest of these is Love..

 "Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along.." -Bride Wars.

 Its really hard to find someone that you genuinely love more than you love yourself..  The special one person that you would go to the very edge of the world and back to be with.. The someone that understands you more than you know yourself..  the one you know will be there holding you up before you're even able to fall.. The someone you know with all your being, 150% positively positive, without a shadow of a doubt, is your bestfriend.

   I'll never forget how I met Elise.  I wasn't like any of the other third-grade kids; I was the chubby, emotional, dorky kid you didn't want to get stuck with on your kickball team. Well, Elise, the normal sized, cute kid had no choice but to be stuck on my soccer team : The Pink Bunkadoos. With a name like "The Pink Bunkadoos" you know the coach had to be a just a tad bit loco. O bless, Coach Rick Hartman.. That man had a way of scaring the ba-jeebies out of me. EVERY single time I saw that man I cried.. especially at all the practices he discliplined us by making us run laps around the ball he kicked to Timbuktu..not to mention the time he yelled at me for crying so hard I really did piss my pants. Little Elise, being the sweet kid she was, had to nurture me by telling me everything would be okay every time I had the slightest break drown..(I told ya I was the sissy-fied, fat kid). Since I was listed as a player on the Pink Bunkadoo team, I got invited to the soccer sleepover the night before our last game.. and my mean, awful mommy made me go. All the other girls were running around acting crazy, having a blast, spray painting everything pink..as I sat in front of the t.v., burying my sorrows in a slice of pizza, in self-pity since I was having separation-issues from my mommy. Elise was apart of the craziness. Heck, she was the ring-leader running around with no pants on.. (ironic, huh?) But she still made the effort to include me.. even though I was a bit unsocial. 

     My friendship with Elise, if you could even call it that, kinda disappeared after that season. We were on the same DYSA or indoor soccer teams quite often, but never really got to know each other.. we were in Mr.Rikard's 9th grade Honors Biology class together. Mr. Rikard had originally placed me in the desk closest to the window, until I got too distracted by the pretty birds outside, and he decided to move me next to Elise in the front of the class. I was dating Tim at the time and Elise would steal either my binder or my planner everyday and write "Jordan & Tim Forever" on each page.. (O boy was she wrong..HAHA). Then, we kind of just went our own seperate ways.. until 6th period drama last year. 6th period drama.. that class was where our friendship developed. We became bestfriends in that class.. by discovering that we had similiar past's, by making water bottle babies soar in the air, and thru crying as we listened to Miranda Lambert's song 'The House That Built Me".. 

 Elise and I are complete opposites.. or were when we first met in drama. We came from COMPLETELY different ends of the scale.. we really had more differences than similarities..you see, she was C.O.C, I was Lutheran. She LOVES politics, I don't know the difference between a republican and a democrat..  She was ALL up into some drama stuff, I was just in there cause I had no where else to go.. She only listened to broadway music, and I was strictly country.. we really had absolutely nothing in common.. How did we become best friends? We joke about this all the time.. but I'm pretty positive that God just placed us together and worked His magic.. I can't remember the second I knew Elise was my bestfriend.. it just kind of came with time. She always says she knew we were "good friends" from the get-go.. but she realized we were meant to be together the 1st time she ran away and I stuck around.. hah. She's had her fair-share of trial runs for me to leave.. but good luck gettin rid of me!!!

 Elise, like every one of us, has made some bad decisions in her life.. She has to suffer the consequences for her actions and is temporarily at a facility that is allowing her to get her life in order, as it needs to be.. Although she will come out a better, stronger Elise , I don't like her being gone.  I don't like my bestfriend not being here with me everyday.. I am selfish. I miss having 42 missed calls. I miss going running downtown every few nights.. and actually walking since we neither have the ability to run and gossip. I miss discovering cute, little parks and sitting down together pondering life. I miss the adventures we made for ourselves. I miss watching her do her eyelashes. I miss watching Glee and CMT together. I miss the "goodmorning bestfriend" texts. I miss going to Panera and spilling my Chicken Noodle Soup all over my chest. I miss her harmonizing every song she hears. I miss her stealing my jacket since she's so cold-natured. I miss calling her and telling her about my horrid, awful day. I just miss having her here everyday.. You never really know just how much someone means to you until they're gone..  

   

  I am not going to lie, I am kinda frustrated with God. I know He has a purpose for everything.. but it just doesn't make any sense to me. Why does He let me love?? Why does He allow me to become so emotionally attatched to someone, then in a sense, take them away?? Why is it always MY friends that leave? First it was Julia moving back to Germany, now Elise.. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and yell at the top of my lungs, "REALLY GOD?!" I don't like feeling this emptiness.. I don't like being torn away from the people I love. Certian people have told me not to let myself get so attatched and not to love others.. but how can you hold back those feeling? How can you just walk away? Although the pain may be deep, the love endured is worth the hurt. Dear God, please just give me a sign that everything is okay.. help me not to be so selfish.. help me to be more like You.. open my eyes to see Your glory.. 

  This is my 1st blog in quite a while.. It may not be "sophisticated" or "fun to read".. but it's what's on my heart. I have too much on my mind to keep on writing.. Exams are gonna kick my butt. Christmas is coming soon, and I havent bought a gift.. But God is good. He is the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.. I am placing everything in His hands..

With grateful heart I thank You Lord for all these simple things..

  Thanksgiving is tomorrow. This doesn't even seem possible. It seems like just yesterday was January 1st.. This year is literally FLYING by. I don't know how I feel about this.. yeah sure, I am BEYOND excited to eat all the yummy goodness my family members bake.. but it's just not right this year. I feel like this is the last REAL Thanksgiving of my "childhood". This entire Thanksgiving week I've been home with my family, and the Bauers of course.. But next year, chances are I won't have that opportunity. I will have to fly in from Texas.. hopefully. Thanksgiving was my favorite as a kid. Yes, I was a MAJOR fatty (still am) , but the food wasn't the entire reason I loved it so much. I love Thanksgiving for many reasons. I love the family traditions we made. I love the food. I love spending time with my family. I love the memories. My Granny and Granddad always went ALL out on Christmas decorations. When I say all out, I mean it. The saturday before Thanksgiving a big group of family and friends would all work together to put up every scene in my granny's front yard and grub on my Granny's homemade chilli and cinnamon rolls. Every thing from Frosty & his family, to a family caroling, to a church steeple, to santa, to the manger scene, to the HUGE bible,  was put up every year along with the beautiful lights. Then, Thanksgiving night, after we held hands for our prayer and ate all the delicious food, the entire family would congregate out on the street to watch as my Granddad turned on the lights to mark the beginning of the Christmas season. I will never forget the way my heart raced as those lights came on.. the beauty of the glow of the string of lights on the Bible.. the proud smile my Granddad had as he saw all of us on the curb side.. the way my Granddad would yell "Jojo" and swarm me in his arms, my head onhis chest, as he whispered he loved me..  the entire night was miraculous. I will forever cherish those Thanksgiving nights. Whenever I think of Thanksgiving, I try to forget the year my Granddad was very ill with cancer. I try to forget that he couldn't keep down a bite of food.. I try to forget that he put on a "happy" face so we would all eat, as he sat on the couch without a single thing on his plate.. I try to forget that he took a bite so my mom would stop worrying, which didn't stay down either.. I try to forget his pain. But nothing, not even the cancer, could keep him from turning on those lights. But then I remember how his face glowed the second he hit the switch and saw the dark night sky light up. That moment, as I stood on the street, I knew that was the last time that would happen.. I knew that was my Granddad's last Thanksgiving with us on this earth.. I knew those decorations and lights would never go up again.  I  wish we could have continued to decorate my Granny's house every year. I  wish my Granddad was still here to celebrate with. I wish I could go back to relive one of those Thanksgiving nights for just one more time..  Over the past few years I have realized that traditions may change, and family members may die, but no matter what, one thing is definite: I am blessed beyond measure .

 
  

CMA's :)

  I do believe that God created country music with me in mind. There is absoluetly NOTHING else that makes me this happy. I really don't remember the exact moment that I fell in love with the entire country music genre. Thinking back to my childhood, I remember jamming out daily to Shania Twain, Brooks & Dunn, Reba, George, Tim, Faith.. and so many more. Who would've guessed that now, 17 years into my life, I would find happiness and comfort in country music??  I can picture it now.. a room full of mom's ranting about how awesome their children are.. My mom would be stuck saying, "Yea, well.. Jordan knows everything there is to know about each country star. Did you know that Miranda's dog is named Cher? Jordan told me that.." My poor family, they must be so proud.
    Tonight was the biggest night of the year for country music : The 44th annual CMA's. To say I lost it would be an understatement. The very second that the Red Carpet premiere came on I was GLUED to the screen. I was VERY VERY pleased with the winners in every category tonight. Brad won Entertainer of the Year :))) This made me VERY happy. I do love when men get teary eyed accepting an honor as big as Brad got tonight. He is an incredible man, I look up to him so much.
    My girl, Miranda, was up for 9 nominations tonight and went home with Female Vocalist, Albulm of the Year, Song of the year for 'House That Built Me', and Video of the Year with 'White Liar'. I have to admit that I did cry every time she was announced the winner of a specific category. Heck, I was so excited for her that I cried whenever she appeared on the screen. Did I mention that tonight was her birthday AND her first time to win any CMA award!!??!! And she went home with more titles than anyone else in Country Music did tonight!! Miranda Lambert is simply awesome, and I can't wait for us to be bestfriends. End of Story.

         Here is a list of all of tonight's winners:
Entertainer of the Year : Brad Paisley
Male Vocalist: Blake Shelton
Female Vocalist: Miranda Lambert
Albulm of the Year: Miranda Lambert's Revolution
Single: Lady A's 'Need You Now'
Song: Miranda's 'House That Built Me'
Video: Miranda's 'White Liar'
New Artist of the Year: Zac Brown Band
Group: Lady A
Duo: Sugarland

 Country music is the absolute best. I am proud to call myself a fan. I believe that some of these artists explain exactly what is so amazing about country music in these quotes..
     " Country music is the people's music. It just speaks about real life and about truth and it tells things how they really are. " -Faith Hill.

    " Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy." -Dierks Bentley.

    "Country music is still your grandpa's music, but it's also your daughter's music. It's getting bigger and better all the time and I'm glad to be a part of it." -Shania Twain.



  God is so good. :)) I am so thankful for all He has provided me.. Thank you, Jesus. Help me live my life for You. You are the potter, I am the clay.

"you'd find God's grace in every mistake & always give more than you take.."

   Christians and nonchristians both criticize and critique Eve for taking a chomp or two out of that fruit from the forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden.. and yes, I admit I've done it a few times as well. It is hard to pass up the convenience to blame the failures and wrongdoings I commit on her, especially since her action first brought sin into the world.
   But you know, in a way we all resemble Eve. Each and everyone of us are sinners, and if we were in her situation, we would have made the same actions that she did. Think about it, this little slithery creature comes on up to you, insisting that you take a bite out of a delicious & desirable, piece of fruit.. a piece of fruit that with one chew will make you all-knowing like God. Sounds pretty good, huh? I have to admit, I would have wanted to take a bite too. You know, Eve remembered that God had strictly and directly informed her NOT to eat anything which came off of that tree.. but that little slithery demon convinced her that God was "just kiddin". Think this isn't relevant to our life? In today's terms it could probably be translated better by a boyfriend/girlfriend when they say, "Its okay.. I love you. Come on, just have sex with me. God will understand that we're not married, he was just kiddin about that waiting 'til marriage stuff.." or a friend which insists, "C'mon, take a sip, take a puff.. Just do it. Nothings wrong with having a little fun. God will forgive you in the morning.." 
   You see, we are ALL guilty. We ALL do wrong and make mistakes.We are ALL sinners. There is absolutely no way to sugar-coat that or try to beat around the bush. Sin is our specialty as humans, and until we are in heaven with Christ, there is no way to hide from it. This is something I've recently realized.
   My entire life I have just went through life, repenting and asking God to forgive me of my sins.. when I really don't know for sure if I was genuinely sorry for them. Yeah, I felt bad, but was that really what God means by repenting? To repent is listed in the dictionary as: To feel such regret for past conduct as to change one's mind regarding it. God says in Ezekiel 18:31-32, "Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!"
    Then, why is it SO hard for me to admit my sins? Especially since I know that God already knows what I did.. Why do I run from my mistakes?  Aren't mistakes supposed to make us stronger? Are they not learning experiences? If so, why do I feel so terrible? Why do I feel like I have disobeyed God and that He is angry with me? Why do I feel like my parents despise me? Why can't I get over it? Why am I constantly reminded of my wrong-doing? The only answer to this is simple : Satan. Satan is viscous. Satan tries to work his way into everything, and sometimes is successful. & once he does, he brainwashes me into believing that I am horrid. That God will never forgive me, that my parents hate me. That I am not a child of God.
  But not this time. This time, I am learning from my mistakes. I am not going to allow myself to be brainwashed.. I may not be able to stop Satan from plotting his way into my life.. but I CAN rebuke him and his evil ways. I can change my actions. I can repent and truly be sorry for my actions. My plate has been wiped clean, perfectly clean, by God through His love. A love so strong that it is binded through and with the blood of Jesus. I may not be perfect, but I AM a child of God.

"Oh darling, don't you ever grow up.. Just stay this little.."

    Sometimes growing up isn't easy. I learned this last night. Sometimes closing one chapter in the book is harder than we could ever imagine. Sometimes, we realize that our everyday normal will soon be different. Sometimes, we simply grow up without knowing. Last night was my very last Austin football game. I stood on those rough, cold bleachers for the last time.. the same bleachers which I have stood for the past 4 years every friday night. I cheered with the student section as the cheerleaders led the chants for the last time. I danced my butt off to my favorite cheers for the last time.  I yelled my heart out for my classmates playing their hearts out on that field for the very last time. I locked arms and held tight to my friends, singing the Alma Mater for the very last time at a Football game. I lingered after the game starring at Ogle stadium which has been my home for the past 4 years for the last time as an AHS student. I laughed, cheered, smiled, and cried with the class of 2011 for the last time at Ogle. It doesn't really seem real. I never could have guessed I would have been such an emotional train wreck over what some call a stupid football game. But for me, its so much more. Watching friday night football in the AHS student section in Ogle is where I felt most at home. It's where I was most proud to be a black bear. The best memories of high school for me have been there. Ogle saw the beginning of my high school years. Ogle saw the start of many relationships for me. Ogle saw many good times with my best friends, including Julia. Ogle saw heartbreak as we lost games. Ogle saw me grow. Ogle was my home for the past 4 years.. but it is now over. Closing this season really hit home for me. It made me realize senior year will be over before I know it. I will soon be 1'000's of miles away, hopefully in Texas, following my dreams. Although I know I will be fine, I am going to miss this. I am going to miss my friends. I am going to miss standing among hundreds of AHS fans at Ogle cheering for the team which I belong to. I am growing up, I am going to graduate in less than 8 months. Austin football is officially over for me. This is the beginning of the lasts..

Julia :)

   I would really just like to take some time to thank the inventor/creator of Facebook. My life is a whole lot better with Facebook. This is probably completely unhealthy to be this in love with a social network.. But who doesn't love Facebook? I made my facebook about two summers ago to stay in touch with all the awesome friends from around the country that I made at ECCE in St.Louis, since all of them were beyond Myspace.. which makes me ask : who even gets on there anymore? I NEVER do.  Anyways, I never would have guessed that now, just two years later, Facebook would swarm the world.. Think about it. You know society is going crazy whenever jobs, schools, churches, and organizations worldwide use Facebook as their primary way of contact. I know that I personally get more information via Facebook than any other way of communication. This just blows my mind. But hey.. kuttos ( is that right? I'm trying to expand my horizons) to the dude that created Facebook.. YOUR MY HERO, MAN!!!

   I got a message on Facebook (imagine that! ) from Julia today. It made me VERY happy. But I do admit, I did sob quite a bit while reading it. I'm very proud of her, and ecstatic that she is so joyful and things are going so great for her.. but that doesn't change the fact that I miss her so much and wish she was here with me. I have blogged about this before, but Julia is very special to me. The friendship Julia and I have is not like any relationship I have ever had before. She came into my life and literally changed me forever. Before I met her, I didn't know what a true friend was. I didn't know how to love someone else more than myself. I didn't know how to trust someone with my life. I didn't know how to let God become the center of my friendship with someone else. I just was blind to the whole concept of having a best friend forever. Then, Julia came into the picture.. She opened my eyes and became my best friend FOREVER. She is just amazing, I can't even think about Julia without smiling and laughing. You know, the majority of the time we have been friends we have been millions of miles apart. Its taken me a while to be strong and sure enough to say this, but I'm glad that we have been placed on opposite sides of the globe. No, I'm not saying I would have chosen this for our friendship, but it has made our relationship so much more precious. The distance between us may keep us from talking for periods longer than we would like, but when we do get the opportunity to talk.. it is overwhelming and completely uplifting. I really miss my bff. Reading her note made me really emotional, not only did I shed tears out of my own personal anger that she is not here with me, but I cried tears of joy. I cried because my best friend is happy and doing well. I cried because I recalled all the amazing memories we have. I cried because I know there are so many more to come. I cried because I have a best friend that loves me and will never leave. I cried because I love Julia more than I love myself. I cried, mostly, because I am thankful that God placed Julia in my life.

   My week is going to be hectic. The Taylor Swift cd comes out tonight at midnight.. I'M SUPER EXCITED!!! Taylor Swift is absolutely the best!! Tomorrow night I get inducted into National Honor Society at school.. this is bittersweet. It makes me think of graduation and leaving Decatur. This week I also have soccer tryouts. I am beyond excited for this, I'm really happy that I'm playing my senior year. last year's break from the team really upset me. Thursday will be the very last football game I will attend as a student at AHS.. I don't even know how to handle this. Football games, ogle stadium, jumping and cheering in the student section.. those are the best times I've had during in high school, so Thursday is sure to be emotional. But best of all, FRIDAY IS VEGGIE TALES!!!! I'm ecstatic and can barely wait to see Bob & Larry with my Dixons :)))) Go ahead, laugh all you want. But I get to see Veggie Tales & you don't !!!

  My life is great. :) K bye!!     love --jo. :)

"Cause when you're 15 and someone tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.."

   Teenage relationships are crap 90% of the time. I understand that some young couples are actually in it for the right reasons, but that's only about 10% of them. The majority of  "dating" is just who is hooking up with who, who is drunk & partying together, & who is so-and-so playing.. Is this something to be proud of? Well, on the bright side- at least they are claiming one another, thats one good thing about it all. I would say that changing your relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship with____" is something precious.. but it should really say "hooking up with ___" or "cheating on ____with _____, ____, & _____."
   I don't have a problem with dating in high school. I just think it's kind of crazy. I mean, yes you test out all the possibilities & see what you find attractive on the opposite sex, or in alot of cases these days, the same sex.. but chances are, you're never going to have any sort of connection to one another after graduation and senior trip. Dating would be awesome in high school if it was like it was way back when. Like it is in movies when you went out to a drive-in, held hands, shared a soda, maybe had a sweet, goodnight kiss.. made tapes for one another, actually called rather than texting.. But now days the majority of people dating are just together based on physical attraction and that sort of stuff. I know there are several couples which are the exception, those people are not who I am talking about.. I actually respect them. I'm proud that they can stay modest and true to one another in high school., and I pray that if it is God's will for them that they make it forever.
   I've never really dated alot in high school. I've had one somewhat-long relationship.. But I don't miss it. I was stupid. I thought I 'loved' him. What was I thinking? I was a stinkin freshman. I was stupid. I'm not putting the boy I dated down at all, I have nothing against the boy.. well man now. I just simply was not in love. Looking back, I am proud of myself for not giving into him like many of my friends were doing in their relationships. I'm proud that I went through all that I did. I'm glad that we broke up and I didn't fall apart like so many girls do. I'm proud that I don't wish to go back to that. I'm proud that I learned from my experiences. I respect him for that. In some ways, he helped me realize that I don't want to be tied down to one boy in high school. I have plenty of time to find my soul mate, to find that man God has planned for me. Taylor Swift's song, Fifteen, is awesome. I believe it should be declared the teenage/high school girl's anthem.. here is the chorus:

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen
Feeling like there nothing to figure out
Well count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen

 Dr.Phil's show yesterday was based on personality tests and how everyone is different and reacts differently and how it affects our relationships with one another. Well, he had everyone on the show take The Big Five Test, I took it and here are my results:

10

10.7

10.8

Openness

10

10.4

11

Conscientiousness

14

8.5

9.1

Extraversion

5

10.1

10.6

Agreeableness

10

5.7

6.7

Neuroticism

Females

Males

You

   It's so crazy how this one test could completely capture my personality. So, as the chart shows, I scored most highly in extraversion, which means I am talkative, enthusiastic, cheerful and energetic & can also be assertive. My lowest score was in my ability to be agreeable. It stated that people low on this trait are honest, blunt and not particularly concerned with protecting other’s feelings. The test showed that I am equally open, conscienous, and neurotic. Openness describes people who question the norm and like to play with ideas, have vivid imaginations and enjoy adventures. People who are high on the trait of conscientiousness like order and plan ahead. They don’t become distracted and are not reckless and tend to achieve high levels of success. On the downside, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. And neuroticism refers to people who are easily stressed and find it hard to remain calm in tense situations. They tend to worry a lot about what lies ahead or what has just occurred.
  Overall , I REALLY am totally pleased with my results. I do believe that Dr.Phil has just defined the personality I obtain. Woo-Hoo Doctor P!!!

   I love having friends, loving others, and just being loved. My attitude and mood really are affected by the people I surrond myself with. Generally, I get along with most everyone.. but don't get me wrong- there are those certain few that just really make my skin crawl. Most of the time, those people are my family, which is insane since they do everything for me. Anyways, I just want to thank everyone who has made an appearance in my life. Although some of those people didn't treat me nicely, I am appreciative of the lesson I learned from them. I love them for how they helped me to become accustume to people like them that I will come into contact with in the future. I am thankful for the others that have come into my life and had to leave. Whether they have already been united with Christ in Heaven and left this earth, or if our friendship has simply drifted apart.. I thank them for leaving their footprints on my heart and teaching me many things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I am thankful for the memories and times I had with those people and will cherish them until the day I die, or until I am mentally not able to anymore. I am also blessed to have so many amazing social friends.. I love them all. Not that I do not want a closer relationship with all those people, I just know and understand that not everyone can be my bestfriend. But to those friends that are my true friends.. thank you, thank you, thank you. My true friends are the ones I know I can depend on to catch me when I fall. The ones that will love me no matter what, happy or sad, in joy, in times of trial, and even in rage.

  I really believe that TRUE friends are Jesus with skin on.

  

 

 


  SOME of the people I treasure very much :))

You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back..

Homecoming is my favorite. I love everything about it. Yes, it may be just some silly game with out a dance at Austin, but it's what being a senior is all about. Since my freshman year I've been waiting to be a senior to do all the cool things.. like senior crowns and senior section in the lunch room. But I honestly think I was so excited about senior year for this past week.. homecoming. Some of the best times I have ever had throughout high school were at float construction.. both at Mcats & Beltline. Funny how getting up before ten on a saturday morning and working til 5 that evening, rolling/glueing millions of tissue balls ALL week long is so much fun. I never thought building a dern float with my classmates would bring us all so close. Staying up til 2:30 in the morning finishing the float, dancing, grubbin like Mrs.Coleen, being so delirious everything is super hilarious, getting along with the people you'd never even think about talking to otherwise.. this is why I love homecoming.  Not to mention parading down Bank Street, throwing candy, and chanting "A-U-S-T-I-N.. AUSTIN SENIORS GONNA WIN...OOOOHHH OHHHH" the entire way. Completely acting insane at the Pep Rally, Seniors winning both the Spirit Stick & FIRST PLACE in the float contest.. cramming 10 of us in Rachel's car to go eat Maria Bonita's watching Crystal fuss for limes. Door and windows decorated all across campus, dress-up days all week, class t-shirts, and a ton of announcements. Going out to dinner with a group of friends before the game, taking lots and lots of pictures in our cute outfits. Anticipating who is going to win Homecoming Queen.. cheering so loud we all lose our voices the next day.. and best of all.. Winning 33-30 against the #4 ranked team in Alabama in the last 2 seconds of the game.. partying with everyone after.. Yes. These are the days I'm going to cherish the most about High School. Although I have had so much fun this past week with all this, now its very bitter sweet.. It was my last time to stay up that late working on a homecoming float with all my friends.. it was my last homecoming pep rally.. it was my last homecoming game.. it was the beginning of many "lasts"..

 I love being a part of the Austin High class of 2011. :))

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Fall is beautiful. I love everything about it; the leaves changing colors and falling.. raking up a huge pile of leaves and diving into them.. eating massive bags of candy corn.. going to the pumpkin patch.. feeling the cool breeze in my hair and tasting the crisp aroma it brings.. opening my windows to let the chill in at night.. college football.. big bonfires and hayrides. Everything about fall makes me smile. Which reminds me.. God is amazing. It doesn't make sense to me how some people want "evidence" that God is real other than the bible. I mean, look outside. Its absolutely breath-taking. How would leaves chang colors and fall to the ground if God did not make them that way?? Fall, in my opinion, is the most lovely of all the seasons. God's art work really is beautiful. I think this is why I love this season sooooo much.

I have recently discovered how precious indian babies are. They are all absolutely adorable. I have decided that I want one. I don't know what I would name him or her. Probably Shamookaweeweee. That name seems fun. Poor child.. Hahah. I can't wait to be a mommy someday. I am pretty much determined to have a little indian baby though.. :)) But no matter what, I will love my child/children.

This upcoming week is going to be pretty hectic.. its kind of a bittersweet. Its the week of my senior homecoming. This is exciting.. very exciting actually. I can't wait for the parade and to see whether we FINALLY get 1st place on our float, after being 2nd three years in a row. I also get to go to homecoming with my bestfriend Delisa!! We have sem-matchy-matchy outfits!! Cute, I know!!! Mrs.Brown comes back to school tomorrow, which will make my day!!! My family from Texas is coming in for my cousin's wedding!!! But, to go along with all that fun.. I have SOOOO many assignments due and tests and poems to memorize. And worst of all.. my Uncle's funeral is sometime this week. When it rains, it pours.. as my mama would say. One of my favorite quotes, said by Dolly Parton, is actually similar to this..
   "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. "

k bye.    -jo :)

I've learned to never underestimate the impossible..

"Unsinkable ships, sink
Unbreakable walls, break
Sometimes the things you think would never happen
Happen just like that
Unbendable steel, bends
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable
I've learned to never underestimate
The impossible"    -Joe Nichols

Joe Nichols has a song about underestimating the impossible.. he's right. The impossible does happen. My life has been crazy the past few days.. I dont really understand what's going on, and better yet how I feel about all of it.. this scares me.

My uncle died Friday night. He was only 41. He was in Florida with my aunt, just the two of them on vacation. And next thing you know, we get a call at midnight sayin he's dead. I really don't know the specifics.. so I won't share any thing like that. My uncle didn't really say much to me. He was very quiet. I think I could count on my fingers how many real conversations  I recall that we shared throughout my life to this day. But that didn't mean I couldn't love him. He was a great man. I just never expected this. I never thought someone I love would die so young. He left behind a son. I don't know how he's going to get through this.. I personally wouldn't know how to function after losing my parent at this age. Life makes no sense.

Its hard being a friend sometimes. Its diffucult being a friend to someone that has problems bigger than the way they know how to fight. It doesnt seem fair that a friend is in so much pain.. and no one really knows. I am at my last straw. I have no more ideas off the bat.. which is unusual for me. I don't really know how to help anymore. I thought I was a good friend, but now I've realized there is more that I could have done. I should have taken more initiative to better my friend's life. To lift my friend out of this hole she's dug into over time.. I know I can't change the past. And I don't really need to. I just should have been more responsible.

My mom says it's hard to be "Jesus with skin on".. and I believe her. Its not as simple as it seems. Yes, we all can be compassionate to others, help a neighbor, and do a good deed. But to really be a Jesus with skin on.. that is more diffucult.  We have to go outside of our boundaries and reveal the love of Jesus to the world, not only by sharing the gospel and reading the bible.. but through our actions. Actions speak more than words. This is a hard concept to live by. I fall short in this category quite often, basically I'm a sinner- but whose not?

I have been wondering about things a lot recently. Things that probably have no significance.. like my funeral. I hate funerals. They always seem so sad, dark and depressing.. aren't we supposed to be celebrating the time we had with those people? Celebrating their victory in Heaven with Jesus?.. Yet, we cry and are selfish. Who determines how to bury a person anyways? If I could plan my own funeral.. It would be vibrant and joyous. Pink from wall to wall, almost like pepto threw up all over the place. Kids would walk up the aisles singing songs like "This Little Light of Mine" and such.. I'd have the Brad Paisley song "When I Get Where I'm Goin" played. I'd have big, bright flowers everywhere. Bubbles in the air. I want Mr.Bill Klein to sing the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd Psalm.
 I simply want my funeral to be happy.

I have another confession: I like to whine. Whining makes me feel 450% better. I believe this is the reason I commit this sin so much..

Dreams & Wine.

I've been asked thousands of times throughout my life, "What are your dreams?" It seems like a simple enough question. But what is a dream? Whom or what makes that dream a real dream? How does a dream form? I have many dreams, some of which are for my personal benefit, others seem more complex and involve people other than just me. How do I know what I'm fantasizing over is qualified enough to be considered a dream? How do I know my dreams? Whenever asked this question: "What are your dreams?", many people ramble on and on about making a team, becoming a doctor, or even finding love. I like to dream about the smaller things. Like going on a date, eating some icecream. Or seeing someone smile. Maybe even painting my toenails a different color. Who made the rule that dreams have to be big? I hate that people automatically determine character from someones dreams. No two people are exactly alike.. so why judge someone based on their dreams? I personally dream to learn how to play guitar. I dream to lose weight by getting into shape. I dream to make everyone I come into contact with laugh. I dream for crisp fall air and all the beautiful colors it brings. I dream big, but I still treasure the dreams which seem a bit smaller. I despise that some people refuse to answer this question. Everyone dreams. Everyone has some sort of goal or something they wish to complete in their life. So share those dreams. Don't be ashamed. I personally have no issue answering this question. I love to share my dreams.

Jesus drank wine. He really did. There are several examples of this in the bible, and I'm pretty sure that the bible is correct. Miranda Lambert also sings a song about this (Heart Like Mine). I don't really understand how or why people think differently. As a lutheran, I have grown up in a church which drinks real wine during communion. Yes, we have to wait until our Confirmation day, where we declare our faith in Christ and promise to live out our lives for Him, to take part in communion. & Yes, we have to fully understand what is really going on while we are communing before we are allowed to participate in the sacrament.. we understand that Jesus' real body and blood are present thru and with the bread & wine. So why is drinking wine such an issue for many other denominations? Read John 2. John 2 was actually Jesus' first miracle.. it tells us about the wedding in Cana of Galilee. Jesus' mother went to this wedding, along with Jesus and his disciples. Mary told Jesus there was no wine at the wedding.. and trusted Jesus to handle this situation without really telling Him to do so. I like this about Mary, she completely believed and trusted in Jesus.. but thats getting into an entire different subject. Anyways, Jesus took matters into His own hands and told them to fill the barrels to the brim with water.. so they did it. And ta-da!!! WINE!!! And this wine wasn't just any wine.. it was the best of the best.. I mean, look at who created it.. JESUS!! Isn't it amazing? I love this story.. my summary of it may not be the best, but it'll get my point across. Luke 22 also informs us about Jesus drinking wine. Luke 22 tells us about the Last Supper. In verse 19, Jesus took  the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you." With this said, why do people substitute wine for grape juice? I don't really understand this. I guess it's because I am a Lutheran.. I like Martin Luther. He was a very good fellow. I wish I had the guts he had.

k bye.    -jo :)

The Man-Laugh

Icecream is my drug. I cling to it when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored, and when I'm mad. Its probably a good thing I'm a christian.. well for reason other than my eternity in heaven with Jesus... If I didn't praise and worship God and obey the 1st commandment.. I am pretty positive I'd be praisin some icecream. I must admit this sounds a tad bit ridiculous.. or reee-dickkkyyyy-lussss as my dear little friend Carter might say. I do not discriminate icecream. I like it all. I could literally eat it for every meal. I sometimes pretend my throat hurts so my mommy will take me to Dairy Queen.. isn't this a sad sad confession? I am hereby declaring myself an oholic to icecream. Hmm. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now, anyone who reads my blog is obligated to an icecream date with Jordan. I do LOVE Zen Beri, Dairy Queen, Sonic, ChickFilA, Dairy Delite, Steak & Shake.. gosh, I love it all.. Just sayin. ;)

I love doing my man-laugh. I swear it's the most fun thing ever. I do it all the time, and sometimes have been referred to as "the man laugh girl". I would like to thank Morgan Wallace for helping me discover my man laugh. Last year, Morgan was walkin to class behind me and was decided to make a fake deep laugh at the story I was telling to tick me off.. well it didnt work. I simply repeated his low, manly laugh about 12 octives lower than his original man-laugh. That moment marked history.. the man laugh had been born. The man-laugh makes me smile. I sometimes do it while I'm alone to make myself happy. Like in the shower or while I'm driving. I'm aware that this is an odd habit.. but you should try it sometime. It really makes any situation a little bit more enjoyable. This past July while I was in New Orleans for the National Youth Gathering was full of man-laughing. The entire trip down I did the man-laugh.. I did it in the hotel room.. I did it while walking the streets.. I did it all the time. The funniest thing about it was.. I'd walk up to a complete stranger, do the man-laugh, and walk away. Heck, it was hilarious!! What were the chances of coming into contact with one of those people again?? There was literally OVER 25'000 youth gathering attendees in NOLA, not including residents and other  tourists. Well, I was proven wrong. One morning while we were doing our servent event in the Lower 9th Ward in NOLA, a girl walked up to me histerically and nervously stated, " Your the.. MAN LAUGH GIRL!!???!!!..." and ran off kinda scared. I think this made my hobby of doing the man laugh even more great. I find pleasure in other people laughing at my man-laugh. I personally have a mission to make the entire world do a man-laugh at the same time. Like National Man-Laugh Day or something. This has potential to be awesome.. Is it sad to say that my goal in life is to make others do a man-laugh like me?

I think Delisa Madry is one of my favorite people ever. I really love her a lot. She is one of my better best friends. I can pretty much trust Delisa with my life.. I'm thankful to have a friend like her. Delisa is actually the person which inspired me to make a blog, so it's all her fault that I constantly share my brain activity with the internet-tional world.. She loves country music.. at first this scared me a little bit.. a black girl obsessed with country? But now I love it too much. D is my sister.. Back in 10th grade, we tried to convince Mrs.Hendon that we were sisters for her to allow us to take our spring portraits together.. we failed miserably, but still to this day are sisters. Delisa is also my puppy dog. I mean, look at her!! She has the biggest brown eyes.. kinda like a puppy!! Makes sense, huh?? Delisa is my girlfriend as well.. :) You see, Delisa and I have date nights & such all the time. I love this!! Our date nights rock. My relationship with D all came about due to Grey's Anatomy. Once again Grey's saves the day!! Anyways, Delisa and I both are HUGE Grey's fans. Every Thursday night we text  back and forth the entire show commenting on every scene throughout the show. It just so happens that my favorite character in the show has always been Torres.. the gorgeous, dark complected doctor..I don't know what it is I like about her character so much. I just love her. Well, Delisa's favorite has always been Arizona. The cute, children's doctor. We'd always joke around and call each other by our favorite character's names.. that was all fun and cute til the episode that revealed Torres & Arizona's fond fond love for one another was one more than just friends. This absolutely cracked us both up. Since that day, Delisa has been my girlfriend. I don't care what Brandon or Connor or any other man says.. Delisa Madry is my girl. :)

I like to laugh. I think I have a disorder which makes me laugh so much.. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. My laughter gets me in trouble alot. My granny likes to pinch me when I laugh in church. This makes me shut up for a minute or two. God must not mind too much.. or He wouldn't have given me a voice box. I love God. He made me a giggly, happy person. This life is fun.

k bye.   -jo :)

I'm dreaming of... A TRAMPOLINE.

It's great to be an Austin Black Bear. Tonights game against Athens was phenomenal. It's moments like tonight that make Austin different than most other schools. The pride and spirit the students at Austin have can not be expressed in words. Being a part of the student section during a neck-to-neck game like tonight's is the biggest rush.. I felt like I should've been at a college game. Everyone jumping around, screaming at the top of their lungs, dancing with the band & cheerleaders.. Austin is a family. Even when the final score was 45-41 in Athen's favor.. the black bear fans stood tall and supported our players. This is what high school is all about. Friday night football. Taking pride in who you are and where you're from. It's great to be an Austin black bear.  And hey Athens- We don't want our quarterback. You can have him.

Supposedly, I'm random. I don't agree with this statement.. How does wanting to go jump on a trampoline determine whether you're random or not? This is beyond my knowledge. I just know that I'm in an excellent mood and a trampoline seems fulfilling at the moment. I also would like a grape blowpop.. those are my favorite. Or maybe someone to twirl my hair.. that could be wonderful right about now.

I'm about sick of this heat. It's flippin September 25th.. it's not supposed to be 97 degrees every dang day!! Especially for people like me.. I've diagnosed myself with extremely overactive sweat glands.. this diagnosis does not mix very well with the heat. I don't really have a problem with a little bit of sweat.. it's actually kind of sexy, well on Tim TeBow or some other big,buff, beautiful hunk of man.. but profuse amounts of sweat is just plain disgusting. I guess I'm disgusting. I sweat more than ANY human being.. This is a known fact. In soccer this week, we simply WALKED the track for about an hour and 15 minutes.. I was DRENCHED in sweat. This was not my most attractive moment. Don't forget pep rallies.. Lord have mercy. Today in the pep rally I literally was sweating so much it looked as though some spitting llama had attacked my forehead.  You know, sweating wouldn't bother me near as much if it didnt effect everything about me, including my hair. Whenever I sweat even a tad bit, my entire head of hair sprouts out and frizzes out into a big, poofy disaster. Why did God bless me with overactive sweat glands & curly nasty hair? Some things I will never understand..

Blogging is fun. I'm not too good at it. I don't write super deep, profound entries everyday. I don't discuss my opinion on controdicting issues. I don't use big, intellegent words like most bloggers do. I simply write.. well in this case, type. I like doing this.. It kind of is my personal way of venting. I like to vent. This may be why I love this blog. Hmm, maybe I should change my blogging technique to match those of the smart kids. Ehh, I think I'm okay. I'm not really one for molding into what others want. I enjoy being diferent. I'll admit: I am odd. I am childish. I like to smile. I like to laugh at stupid comments. I like being the wierd kid. I guess my blog reflects this characteristic I have.. O well. I'm still going to blog it up, HOMEBOY!!! Blogging makes me smile. :)  & it aint cuzzz I prurrrtty, I noeee dat!! Hahaha!!

k bye.  -jo :)

"People are either born simple.. or me."

                         Friend : a person you know well and regard with affection and trust;

 I think we all can agree that having a friend is great. Someone to hang out with, someone to listen to all your secrets, someone to genuinly love you.. but what does all that mean without trust? Trust is the foundation of ANY sort of relationship; whether it be between a boss & employee, or man and wife. To love means to acquire trust; or that relationship does not reflect love at all. This is the problem with everyone of us.. we people, as a whole, don't let ourselves trust others. We put up a boundary.. and if things even approach that line.. our relationship is then shaken. We don't know how to handle the situation, which leads to an even worse situation that we can not fix. We start to build lies on top of lies, to the point where we don't know the truth anymore. And in the mist of all of that- we lose ourselves. We forget our morals and beliefs. We lose our confidence and dignity. Our entire image has been abandoned. Which ends up in self-destruction.. and that relationship: it no longer exists. Trust is the dictator in our relationships. If we can not trust our  so called friends.. then those people are not our friends. I'm thankful for my friends.. thankful for my TRUE friends. I have many friends and acquaintances.. but how many are my true friends? How many of those people are ashamed to be called my friend? How many of those people stab me in the back? How many of those people genuinly love me? Those are all questions I regularly ask myself.. but the better question is- How many of those people can I trust?

I do believe when God created the sun and the stars, He created me. And when God created me, He created Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy makes me happy, almost as happy as Ellen DeGeneres makes me.. but not quite. I absolutely love it. Think about it, sexy men playing the roles of amazing surgeons and doctors that save people's lives on an every day basis.. not to mention what goes on after hours. (Jesus forgive me) Oooooo Weeeee.. this is one subject I NEVER get tired of talking about.

Anyways, tonight was the 1st episode of the new season. AHHHH!!!! :)) LOVED IT!!! Although the beautiful men in the show REALLY catch my attention.. I love the message revealed in each episode through the characters. Tonight, Yang, whom is not my favorite woman on the show, really opened my eyes. She was talking about models and future brides in this specific wedding magazine she was reading.. and how happy they all seemed. She preceded to ramble on about how she used to feel sorry for them and how she now has grown to realize that they're all really simple. They all know what they want, they all have confidence and grace.. they simply have it all together: they are the simple women of this world. Then she began to critique herself. She pointed out several flaws she saw in herself, she pointed out that simple women don't get the abuse and weight of the world dished onto their plate.. it's those non-simple women like her that are faced with difficulty. I loved this specific scene. I, like Yang, am not simple. I am not perfect. I have many flaws. I am not confident, and I do not know where I will go in life.. I am complex. Although, I'm not sure if the writer of this scene intended for this conversation to have any relevance other than Yang's pre-wedding melt down in the show, but it sure made an impact on my heart. I am not simple. I am not many things, and I'm proud to reveal those flaws. Because, I am wonderfully and fearfully made. God has a purpose for me, just like Yang has a purpose in the show.

I would also like to add, Mrs.Debra Robinson makes the absolute BEST ravioli in cheese sauce EVER. I now blame her for my obeisity.

Dear Patrick Dempsey, Marry me. Your beautiful. and I love you. The end.

k bye.   -jo :)

John 14:1-4

Life doesn't always make sense. We can't control many things, regardless of what politicians and scientists say.. Computers mess up, our hair decides to unleash an untameable beast, terrorists attack our country, cancer devours the lives of our companions.. the impossible happens. Life simply isn't fair.


Isn't it ironic how you can spend time with someone one, then turn around and that same day something absolutely devastating has changed that person's life forever? Today, I heard some of the most awful news ever. Mrs.Brown, better known as the lady behind the desk in the Main Office at AHS, a woman I love very much and respect dearly, came home from work to find her husband dead from a heart attack. When I heard of this tragedy, I was absolutely in shock. I was just with Mrs.Brown in the office this morning!! She was happy as could be, just returned home from visiting with her family in another state, and now.. her entire life is changed forever. Her "normal" life as it has been for the past 40 years, no longer remains. Her husband and companion for so long isn't alive anymore.. How does she find the strength to carry on? What can others do to support her? Someone can only eat so much homemade, yummy "comfort" food.. What can we say to her to let her know we're here for her?


A few years ago when my Granddad's life was coming to an end, Pastor Eddie shared a special bible passage with him.. This passage has been carved into my heart since that moment. My Granddad's death wasn't very easy for me to cope with.. I still have those emotional days that I miss him more than anything. But on those days, during my saddness and grief, I hear God reminding me of His love and His promise.. I hear this passage.. If I could only tell Mrs.Brown and her family one thing right now, I'd read them
this..


"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."


This passage IS God's promise to us, this passage is God's promise to Mrs.Brown. Although Mrs.Brown is a strong, and faithful servant of the Lord, she is going through a hard time.. and will for quite some time. But God is with Mrs.Brown during this hard time. God is wrapping His arms around her, assuring her that He will be with her always. For God has as a plan.. a plan to prosper her and give her a future.. as He already has her husband. Her husband is no longer a part of this sinful place, he has now recieved hiis victory with God in heaven.. and that, if nothing else, allows Mrs.Brown and her family the strength to carry on.


God is good. 

Don't Stop Believin..

 So, tonight was great, both Glee and Biggest Loser had their season premieres. I know, I know, I sound like a T.V freak.. I guess I really am. I haven't ever been a huge fan of Glee, we would watch the 1st season in drama class last year, I just never really got into it.. but the episode tonight was KILLIN. I am the biggest fan of the cute, little blonde that had the baby and got into a fight.. typical me, huh? I think I may be a Glee-er now.. Is that even what they're called? I need to be caught up on all this Glee history.

 I want to go on Biggest Loser. I've been informing my parents that our family would be great for it, but my mom disagrees. So, I think my dad & I should go on. He hasn't really agreed to this yet, but he will... I will use my magic. :) I just absolutely love watching Biggest Loser every season. I think Jill is the coolest woman ever.She in my opinion is one of the most influential women alive. Although she is beasty and looks a whole lot like a man, I like her viscousness. Maybe she & I should be friends..

 I really don't like watching Biggest Loser. It in a sense depresses me. I mean, look at those people. Its awful how their entire lives are affected by their wieght.. they are truly unhappy and terminally ill due to obesity. It literally makes me sick. You know, people have always told me, "You're not fat, Jordan.. Your size doesn't even really matter, it's what's inside that truly matters.." But I disagree. I am too overweight, and I despise it. I try to do what I can to get healthy. I workout, I try to eat right (mom just makes too many cookies.. I blame her), I don't drink cokes or eat salt.. I hate my dad for this. I hate having high blood pressure. I hate taking medicine for it that causes me to blow up like a balloon. Something I've realized in my 17 years: Genetics really suck.

My annonymous bestfriend (is that better?) told me once that I had a really good personality.. then about 15 minutes later she added," You know, most really fat people have a really awesome personality.." Yes, I assumed she was calling me really fat, although she claims that she wasn't and didn't even realize the connection. I didn't need her comment to make me think that I was fat. I have always thought so. I've always had low self-esteem. Many people think I have it all together, I have fooled them into believing I am confident in my own shoes. Well, I have a confession: I'm not. I don't like myself. I don't like one single thing about me. I sound emo or something, but I'm really not. I have no intentions on hurting myself, I just don't like me. Simple as that.

Curly hair is absolutely beautiful. I'd kill to have Taylor Swift's natural hair. I don't like that she curls it with a curler.. Natural curls are waaaaaaay prettier. I have curly-nasty hair.. but it's not very appealing. Maybe someday Taylor will pull a Britney & let me have her hair as a wig.

Why don't people use their fists anymore? Seems like more and more people are "solving" their disputes with guns and weapons.. What's the point in that? Come on people. If you have a problem with someone and talking it out just isn't making things right and their actions insist physical involvement.. USE YOUR FISTS. Lay it on 'em one good time, give them a big black jewel to show all their friends.. and call it quits. Stop using weapons such as guns.. all it's going to do is cause more difficulty..LIKE JAIL. I, like most of society, would appreciate if you could start using a little common sense. Thank you.

My brother isn't the brightest crayon in the box. Tonight, he really proved that by flipping the recliner backwards. I believe it was the funniest thing I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I was just innocently walking out of my bedroom door.. then BANG. There goes my brother and the chair backwards. He was  laying there, staring at the ceiling for a good 5 minutes. This was one of the few moments I'll admit to actually appreciating my brother's presence.. So P.J , Thank you VERY much for acting like a complete idiot and flipping the recliner. It made my day.

Blogging is fun. But my bed is even more welcoming..

K bye.  -jo. :)

K bye.  -jo. :)

"Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it." -Oprah.

 Sometimes I want to run away, to Delaware maybe? That seems like a pretty sweet place. I don't want to run due to problems or stress, although I'm tempted to every now and then.. but simply for the fact that running brings me joy. When I'm running I feel free, almost as free as a jew escaping a concentration camp. I realize that's that the best of comparisons.. but it'll work. Running makes me feel good about myself, I don't get that feeling very often.. Running gives me the opportunity to push myself beyond my limit, to better myself. Running is my personal type of rehab. I guess that's why I have missed it so much.

Today I ran for the first time since I had the operation on my foot to remove that disgusting wart, which left a lovely hole in it's place. Joyous, huh? The podiatrist told me not to wear closed heel shoes or run for a minimum of about 3-4 weeks.. but I rebelled. I couldn't handle the restraint any longer. Sitting around doing nothing was eating me alive.. so needless to say I had to run. I just had to. So, I did. And... it was PAINFUL. Not really as bad throughout my run, but as soon as I slowed down- it hit me. I felt like someone was literally jerkins at my "hole" with tweezers.. ripping my skin into pieces.. this was not fun. But now, after I doctored my sore,  I feel great!! I love this feeling of satisfaction. I can't wait to run again in soccer block tomorrow. :)

Black day isn't my favorite, I honestly can say I don't like it. I hate having 3 core classes in one day.. I normally just feel so drained afterwards.. but today wasn't too bad. Mrs.Brown wasn't present in the office today, she's is Soth Carolina with her precious grandchild.. so Mrs.Conthran was there in her place. I like that little lady a lot. She's probably in her early 70's , but let me tell ya- she's still kickin. I don't think I've ever seen her in a bad mood, she absolutely brightens my day with her presence. Every time I see her she bebops on over to me and swarms me in her arms with the most welcoming, loving hugs. I keep her updated on country music, even though she isn't very fond of it. I informed her about Don Williams coming out of retirement for a tour with Joey & Rory, and that he's expected to come to the VBC on October 31. She kind of got the impression that I was only telling her that information since she was old and might know him.. but that wasn't true.. She doesn't know one song by the man. Goodness, she is a hoot and a half.

Mrs.Stroh tells me I write too much.. that I don't have the ability to limit myself to only the basic essentials of the story & its guidelines. I guess she's right. It took me a few seconds to accept her criticism. I've always been taught to be descriptive and broad, and have never really had any trouble with it. So hearing that comment really upset me at first. But now, I really appreciate her. Although she is a bit nutty and extravagent, she truly is a good teacher that wants the best out of her students.. and I'm thankful for that.

I miss Julia alot. Friendships are difficult when you  live in two completely opposite parts of the world. Germany is too far for me. Some days I just cry cause I want her here in Decatur with me. I don't cry because I'm scared of losing her, I cry because I'm greedy. I know it's stupid, and I know it's selfish, I just really want Julia.. and nothing else or no one else can please me. I want my bestfriend here with me. I WANT JULIA. Why did God make me love Julia so much? Doesn't He know how much it hurts being away from her? I'm really aggravated with this whole concept. I can't quite grasp God's purpose for it, and that makes my frustration even worse. I really wish God could text me the answer.. but I probably wouldn't be satisfied with just that.. I'd still want to see Julia.

I need to go to bed. I have bootcamp early in the morning. I had coffee. This is not good.

k bye.    -jo :)


"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
 -Phillipians 3:14.

Prepare for my rant..

People really confuse me. How can things between two people be so great one minute.. then you don't talk at all? Nothing you know of really caused this distance, I guess you just grew apart? I don't understand this. Why do we just stop? Why is it so easy to move on? I don't understand and it really upsets me. I can put my heart and soul into a relationship with you, then you just stop? Completely? Betrayal is something I don't handle very lightly.This is my problem in life: I trust too easily, I love too deep. I like to confine in other people, and I like for them to confine in me. Although I'd like to believe everyone is trustworthy and dependable.. That statement is false. There are only a select few people I can honestly trust. This lesson is one I've learned multiple times. You'd think I'd learn by now?

I hate being lied to as well. I'm sorry for believing in telling the truth. I don't appreciate when others completely deny something to my face, when we both know good and well you're making up some great bs. This goes back to betrayal. Betraying others, especially your so called "friends", and not being honest with them doesn't make you look any better sweetheart, no matter how good of a story you're telling. This has really been sitting on my chest for a while. I'm glad I have blogged about it . :)

I really wish I could fly. Peter Pan makes it look so fun. I wish I could just fly away, and leave all the world behind. Just let loose, me and the big blue sky..Soaring thru the crisp night air. Doesn't it sound amazing? I have lots of questions. Why can't humans fly? Why don't we have beautiful angel wings? I hate not knowing. I wish God had a telephone, I'd call him.

 Tonight, like every other night, I spent time with Elise.I do like her alot. I mean, yes. We all have "bestfriends", and believe me- I''ve had my fair share of people that I thought were my "bestie". But there is just something about the friendship that Elise and I have, it's something I really cherish. We became friends in the most ridiculous way.. but we became bestfriends thru something so real, through our struggles. Before she ran away, we were good friends, we hung out often. But after, once I realized she needed me, once she realized I was there for her when she needed a friend, that's when we realized we were best friends. I love having a person I can talk to about anything, someone who genuinly understands where I'm coming from and can handle my flaws. I've never really had a friend like Elise. She is real. She is honest. She has real-life problems. And she admits these things. I love that about her. I wish everyone could admit their problems. I have a hard time with this. I think we weigh each other out in this aspect. Although she is completely honest, she still encourages me more than I could ever encourage myself. She reminds me of how beautiful and wonderful I am, even though she knows she can't make me believe it, and that she's probably wasting her time. She is always on my side, and will never let me dig a hole deeper than I know how to get out of.  I don't know what I'm going to do without her if that time ever comes. We spend almost every second with each other, and never really argue. Even though I'm quite abusive. She knows me better than I know myself most days. I just really am thankful for Elise. She means the world to me, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that she is my best friend. God is great. He has blessed me with a wonderful, beautiful, and absolutely fabulous bestfriend that I love beyond measure.

Country music pretty much sums up my life. I love it with all my heart and soul. I fantasize about becoming a country star.. Too bad I can't sing or play guitar. I guess I'll just keep listening to Miranda & Brad. :))

K bye.   -jo :)