Feelin Rather sPaRaTiC ;))

   I'm  rather fond of the word sparatic. I dont know if that word is defined in the dictionary or not.. but i like to use it. Sparatic.. hmm.. when I think sparatic, i think of a big bouncy slide full of kids climbin every which direction eatin rainbow flavored snow cones in the summer. I think of diving out of a plane without a parachute and going swimmin with the sharks in the Atlantic. I think of singin my lungs out at a country concert in the pourin rain wearin my cowgirl boots. I think of finger painting, blowin colored bubbles and making a purple, play-dough pizza as I pretend to be the world's greatest chef. I think of late night swims with the boy i'm crushin on and how bad I want to kiss him in the rain. I think of goofin off on the soccer field with my teammates. I think of all the nights I stay up and play my very 1st Taylor Swift c.d and cried along to every song. I think of goin to Chick Fil A and not bein ashamed to get a kid's meal and jump in the ball pin as a teenager. I think of throwing popcorn at the movies and dancin up and down every aisle in the theater since no one else is there to judge me. I think of early mornin runs on the beach with my toes barefoot in the sand. I think of rockin a child to sleep in my arms and the joy it brings to my heart. I think of goin horseback riding with the indians and imagining that I'm the next Carrie Underwood. I think of climbin up huge flights of hay in the barn and ploppin down when i reach the top with an ice cold sweet tea on a hot, summer night. I think of goin on the Singin Bee and winnin the money. I think of someday opening my own camp for special needs children and spending every lovin minute with those beautiful kids. I think of loungin by the pool with a pina colida in my hand and my ipod set to Miranda. I think of gettin married on the beach in a flowy, flirty, little dress with my brides maids carryin fancy & colorful umbrellas. I think of a child praying and accepting Jesus into their heart. I think of dancin in my favorite watermelon dress as a little curlyheaded kid. I think of cuddlin with my pillow pets and sneakin out late at night. I think of gettin my ears peirced and buyin new diamond earrings in the shape of stars. I think of pickin blue berries and wrestlin in the snow. I think of goin to dairy queen and ordering the biggest, most fattening blizzard on the menu. I think of winning the Homecoming football game my senior year. I think of sidewalk chalk and easter egg hunts. I think of doin my hair and makeup all pretty to just sit at home and watch movies alone all night. I think of going to church camp and praising Jesus all day long. I think of bon fires and makin smores. I think of wearin my granddad's necklace on my confirmation sunday. I think of watching the ACM's with Hannah and completely spazzin out when Miranda didnt win. I think of gettin a tattoo and buyin 14 items off the $1 rack at Target. I think of bein an old woman and still sleepin with the same blankie I do now. I think of traveling the world and changin my name to somethin really crazy. I think of fallin in love with a man that cherishes me for the person I really am. I think of watchin my favorite movie 5 times in one night. I think of takin lots of redick pictures with my bestfriend and postin them all over Facebook. I think of doin my man laugh in a dark alley. I think of drivin like I'm the next Kasey Kane. I think of maybe someday actually believing I'm beautiful and having the courage to be confident in myself. I think of trustin someone enough to give them all I have. I think of lettin go of a balloon and watchin it soar into the big, blue sky. I think of dancin with Ellen Degeneres and becoming Miranda Lambert's bff. I think of wearing a completely tacky outfit and being able to pull it off. I think of wearin my hair curly and goin to prom. I think of workin at Build-A-Bear and putting the fluff into the stuffed animals :). I think of holdin hands at the movies and makin out on the couch. I think of shakin a pom-pom out the car window goin down the highway and crankin the music up as loud as it goes. I think of not havin to wear my retainer every night and goin to college in Texas. I think of ridin a bull and not fallin off within the first 3 seconds. I think of paintin my nails 20 different colors and bein a kid again. I think of goin to Victoria's Secret and buyin new cute panties. I think of readin my bible as the sun is rising over the hills. I think of tellin him how I really feel. I think of sittin on the swing with my Granny & Granddad every night as a kid eatin popcorn and chocolate icecream. I think of discovering the cure to cancer and helping all those terminally ill. I think of standing in walmart with a big sign that reads: free hugs. I think of becoming a half way decent country singer. I think of winning the lottery and donating to charity. I think of kneeling at the altar for communion and recieving God's forgiveness. I think of being me and being happy. I think of Jesus dying for ME. I think of all the people that mean the most to me. I think of living.. I think of putting up with the rain and the storm to see the silver lining on the other side of the rainbow. I think of having those few minutes of wonderful.. i think of everything magnificent in this world. I think of all the beauty that God has created for us to enjoy.. i think of being sparatic :)).

God shook His head the day He built her.. :)))

 Life is full of little surprises that make you smile. Whoever came up with the saying that the little things are the things that inspire us the most, i owe him/her a BIG hug. He/she was correcto indeedo!! and since I havent updated my blog in a good minute, i've decided to do that tonight. This isn't a formal entry, just the random thoughts that are on my mind.. and right now, i'm thinkin about ALL the things i truly love in this world.. and here is my list :)))) :

• my cow pillow pet, MR. MOO MOO 
• MIRANDA LAMBERT
• small children
• my dixon boys
• play dough
• multi colored nails
• black picture frames
• my tin hello kitty lunch box
• my blankie
• Mrs. Joy
• Grey's Anatomy

• the 3 fishies I got for my birthday: Torres, Arizona, & Enrique Sandoval
• blowin bubbles and writing with sdewalk chalk
• EASTER SUNDAY
• dessert
• tan, sexy, big, buff, hairy-chested, beautiful-eyed, country singin men :)))
• curly hair
• sniffing shampoos
• biting noses

• listening to babies giggle
• Brantley Gilbert & Justin Moore
• Psalm 139
• my granny      
• my 3 bffffffs : Delisa, Brooklyn, & Elise
• twitter.. TWEET TWEET TWEETIN LIKE A BIRD.
• soccer, on some days..
• Lauren Lindsey & Hunter Sandoval
• children's ministry
• AUSTIN, TEXAS!!!!
• wrestlin in the snow
• old pictures
• homecoming
• tshirts
• Let Me Down Easy -Billy

• boys that can play guitar
• cowboy boots & wranglers with a skoal ring
• COWS!!!! especially Anna-Belle :)))
• not wearing make up
• toothpaste
• Brad Paisley
• hole punchers
• having a JOB!!
• the feelin i get whenever Taylor Swift sings about stupid boys
• sneezing
• Country Strong
• the sundrop commercial

• senior class of 2011
• peace sign earrings
• Steel Magnolias
• Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin -blake shelton
• ridin with the windows down blastin some country music
• sweet, sweet summertime
• pina colidas on the beach
• Sonic sweet tea
• colorful personalities
• funny acronymns
• JESUS :))))))

 goodnight amigas :))))

In all I do, I honor you.

   Ever since I can remember, I have "loved Jesus". Yes, I grew up attending church regularly and have claimed to "loving Jesus" my entire life. But I don't know if that "love" I had for Jesus was true?? Is it now? How do I know?? Loving God is a whole lot more complex than it seems. In the world we live in today, we as Christians have created our own "modern-Jesus". We have made it okay to break His commands continuously without repentance. We honestly believe that "God understands" and that" He'll  just forgive me later.." But our God,  the God of the universe, the Maker of ALL things, the Alpha and the Omega,  the ONLY God worthy of all our praise IS a God of love, but He is also a God of judgement and wrath as well. We have created this "modern-Jesus" in self-righteousness to run from God. We have fooled ourselves into believing that God is not serious when He declared that we should put Him first in our lives, and we worship materialistic objects instead.We genuinely believe that "God needs us". But truth is: God is God of all things.. so why in the name of macaroni & cheese does the Lord of all things need us?? That's right, He doesn't.. we NEED Him. We are not worth a penny without Him. We are reliant on Him for everything.. But admitting that is extremely difficult, so instead we try to empower ourselves by thinking otherwise. Although it kills me to admit, but I am guilty of doing this as well.

    I have many faults, and commit many sins.. too many to be numbered actually. One of those faults is my inability to admit my wrongdoings. I absolutely HATE to look bad in front of others. I am also guilty of picking my split ends, being violent at times, and even treating others like complete trash. Another of those faults is my bull-headed-attititude that mixes with my uncontrollable mood swings. Today, I went to Huntsville with my mom, Diane, and the 4 kids to shop. Well, when we left early in the day, I had no idea that I had signed up for an entire 12 hour trip. I had expected to go shopping, maybe eat at Rosies, buy a couple of items, and go home at a relatively early hour... but this is not what they had in store for me. Although I was having a pretty good-time, the kids were driving me bananas. The continuous fighting, picking at one another, and acting like total hellions with no sense to them in every store was a lot to deal with, especially with a headache and little sleep. So, I took the chance to ask my mom if we could just go home.. and she said no. And  like the selfish brat I am, I took this opportunity to throw a complete fit. I didnt want to stay with them any longer.. I wanted to go home and do what I wanted to do.. pleasing them was inconvienincing me and I was not going to tolerate it. So I fussed and yelled.. and it didnt work. So I started thinkin.. Hmm, If talking isnt helping, I'm just going to be rude and NOT say a word to anyone. Of course, mom was asking question after question.. "whats your problem?", "why cant you just do something for someone else?", "are you REALLy this selfish??", "why aren't you answering me??!!", ect.. At this point, being the talkative person I am, I blew up. I couldnt contain my emotions any longer and went on a rant exaggerating reality into some awful place that is just out-to-get-me. I said some hateful and hurtful things. Not only to my mom and Diane, but to the kids. If you know me at all, you know kids are my passion. They are what make me feel excitement and zeal for life and God.. they honestly are the reason God put life into me. So, as I sat there pondering all the things I had just said.. I became overwhelmed with grief and embarrassment. I couldnt believe I had acted in the manner that I did. I couldn't fathom that I had honestly hurt thier feelings and tore them down. But what for?? Why had I acted so immature?? To empower myself.. to make them bow down to me.. to make sure they 'heard me roar'...?? As the car ride continued, I became more and more upset. Finally, I just broke down. I had let my selfishness get in the way of the bigger picture.. I had been defiant to my mom,  placed myself and my own feelings above others, ripped apart their feelings.. and more importantly, I had been disobediant to God.. I had disobeyed Him. It was in that moment that I realized that I owe not only my mom, Diane, and the kids an apology.. but God as well. I pray that God gives me the strength to humble myself to such a level that I can apologize genuinely for acting so terribly.


   I haven't blogged in quite a while.. so it has felt pretty dang amazing doing so again. Blogging gives me peace and a feeling of relief. Whoever came up with the idea of "blogging" was a pretty intellectual kinda guy. I probably owe that guy a lot for his ability to invent something that can prevent my insanity from going on a rampage.. Well, God is good. It is my joy to honor Him in all I do, I pray He gives me the ability to do so.

 love ya. k bye :))