"Oh darling, don't you ever grow up.. Just stay this little.."

    Sometimes growing up isn't easy. I learned this last night. Sometimes closing one chapter in the book is harder than we could ever imagine. Sometimes, we realize that our everyday normal will soon be different. Sometimes, we simply grow up without knowing. Last night was my very last Austin football game. I stood on those rough, cold bleachers for the last time.. the same bleachers which I have stood for the past 4 years every friday night. I cheered with the student section as the cheerleaders led the chants for the last time. I danced my butt off to my favorite cheers for the last time.  I yelled my heart out for my classmates playing their hearts out on that field for the very last time. I locked arms and held tight to my friends, singing the Alma Mater for the very last time at a Football game. I lingered after the game starring at Ogle stadium which has been my home for the past 4 years for the last time as an AHS student. I laughed, cheered, smiled, and cried with the class of 2011 for the last time at Ogle. It doesn't really seem real. I never could have guessed I would have been such an emotional train wreck over what some call a stupid football game. But for me, its so much more. Watching friday night football in the AHS student section in Ogle is where I felt most at home. It's where I was most proud to be a black bear. The best memories of high school for me have been there. Ogle saw the beginning of my high school years. Ogle saw the start of many relationships for me. Ogle saw many good times with my best friends, including Julia. Ogle saw heartbreak as we lost games. Ogle saw me grow. Ogle was my home for the past 4 years.. but it is now over. Closing this season really hit home for me. It made me realize senior year will be over before I know it. I will soon be 1'000's of miles away, hopefully in Texas, following my dreams. Although I know I will be fine, I am going to miss this. I am going to miss my friends. I am going to miss standing among hundreds of AHS fans at Ogle cheering for the team which I belong to. I am growing up, I am going to graduate in less than 8 months. Austin football is officially over for me. This is the beginning of the lasts..

Julia :)

   I would really just like to take some time to thank the inventor/creator of Facebook. My life is a whole lot better with Facebook. This is probably completely unhealthy to be this in love with a social network.. But who doesn't love Facebook? I made my facebook about two summers ago to stay in touch with all the awesome friends from around the country that I made at ECCE in St.Louis, since all of them were beyond Myspace.. which makes me ask : who even gets on there anymore? I NEVER do.  Anyways, I never would have guessed that now, just two years later, Facebook would swarm the world.. Think about it. You know society is going crazy whenever jobs, schools, churches, and organizations worldwide use Facebook as their primary way of contact. I know that I personally get more information via Facebook than any other way of communication. This just blows my mind. But hey.. kuttos ( is that right? I'm trying to expand my horizons) to the dude that created Facebook.. YOUR MY HERO, MAN!!!

   I got a message on Facebook (imagine that! ) from Julia today. It made me VERY happy. But I do admit, I did sob quite a bit while reading it. I'm very proud of her, and ecstatic that she is so joyful and things are going so great for her.. but that doesn't change the fact that I miss her so much and wish she was here with me. I have blogged about this before, but Julia is very special to me. The friendship Julia and I have is not like any relationship I have ever had before. She came into my life and literally changed me forever. Before I met her, I didn't know what a true friend was. I didn't know how to love someone else more than myself. I didn't know how to trust someone with my life. I didn't know how to let God become the center of my friendship with someone else. I just was blind to the whole concept of having a best friend forever. Then, Julia came into the picture.. She opened my eyes and became my best friend FOREVER. She is just amazing, I can't even think about Julia without smiling and laughing. You know, the majority of the time we have been friends we have been millions of miles apart. Its taken me a while to be strong and sure enough to say this, but I'm glad that we have been placed on opposite sides of the globe. No, I'm not saying I would have chosen this for our friendship, but it has made our relationship so much more precious. The distance between us may keep us from talking for periods longer than we would like, but when we do get the opportunity to talk.. it is overwhelming and completely uplifting. I really miss my bff. Reading her note made me really emotional, not only did I shed tears out of my own personal anger that she is not here with me, but I cried tears of joy. I cried because my best friend is happy and doing well. I cried because I recalled all the amazing memories we have. I cried because I know there are so many more to come. I cried because I have a best friend that loves me and will never leave. I cried because I love Julia more than I love myself. I cried, mostly, because I am thankful that God placed Julia in my life.

   My week is going to be hectic. The Taylor Swift cd comes out tonight at midnight.. I'M SUPER EXCITED!!! Taylor Swift is absolutely the best!! Tomorrow night I get inducted into National Honor Society at school.. this is bittersweet. It makes me think of graduation and leaving Decatur. This week I also have soccer tryouts. I am beyond excited for this, I'm really happy that I'm playing my senior year. last year's break from the team really upset me. Thursday will be the very last football game I will attend as a student at AHS.. I don't even know how to handle this. Football games, ogle stadium, jumping and cheering in the student section.. those are the best times I've had during in high school, so Thursday is sure to be emotional. But best of all, FRIDAY IS VEGGIE TALES!!!! I'm ecstatic and can barely wait to see Bob & Larry with my Dixons :)))) Go ahead, laugh all you want. But I get to see Veggie Tales & you don't !!!

  My life is great. :) K bye!!     love --jo. :)

"Cause when you're 15 and someone tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.."

   Teenage relationships are crap 90% of the time. I understand that some young couples are actually in it for the right reasons, but that's only about 10% of them. The majority of  "dating" is just who is hooking up with who, who is drunk & partying together, & who is so-and-so playing.. Is this something to be proud of? Well, on the bright side- at least they are claiming one another, thats one good thing about it all. I would say that changing your relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship with____" is something precious.. but it should really say "hooking up with ___" or "cheating on ____with _____, ____, & _____."
   I don't have a problem with dating in high school. I just think it's kind of crazy. I mean, yes you test out all the possibilities & see what you find attractive on the opposite sex, or in alot of cases these days, the same sex.. but chances are, you're never going to have any sort of connection to one another after graduation and senior trip. Dating would be awesome in high school if it was like it was way back when. Like it is in movies when you went out to a drive-in, held hands, shared a soda, maybe had a sweet, goodnight kiss.. made tapes for one another, actually called rather than texting.. But now days the majority of people dating are just together based on physical attraction and that sort of stuff. I know there are several couples which are the exception, those people are not who I am talking about.. I actually respect them. I'm proud that they can stay modest and true to one another in high school., and I pray that if it is God's will for them that they make it forever.
   I've never really dated alot in high school. I've had one somewhat-long relationship.. But I don't miss it. I was stupid. I thought I 'loved' him. What was I thinking? I was a stinkin freshman. I was stupid. I'm not putting the boy I dated down at all, I have nothing against the boy.. well man now. I just simply was not in love. Looking back, I am proud of myself for not giving into him like many of my friends were doing in their relationships. I'm proud that I went through all that I did. I'm glad that we broke up and I didn't fall apart like so many girls do. I'm proud that I don't wish to go back to that. I'm proud that I learned from my experiences. I respect him for that. In some ways, he helped me realize that I don't want to be tied down to one boy in high school. I have plenty of time to find my soul mate, to find that man God has planned for me. Taylor Swift's song, Fifteen, is awesome. I believe it should be declared the teenage/high school girl's anthem.. here is the chorus:

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen
Feeling like there nothing to figure out
Well count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen

 Dr.Phil's show yesterday was based on personality tests and how everyone is different and reacts differently and how it affects our relationships with one another. Well, he had everyone on the show take The Big Five Test, I took it and here are my results:

10

10.7

10.8

Openness

10

10.4

11

Conscientiousness

14

8.5

9.1

Extraversion

5

10.1

10.6

Agreeableness

10

5.7

6.7

Neuroticism

Females

Males

You

   It's so crazy how this one test could completely capture my personality. So, as the chart shows, I scored most highly in extraversion, which means I am talkative, enthusiastic, cheerful and energetic & can also be assertive. My lowest score was in my ability to be agreeable. It stated that people low on this trait are honest, blunt and not particularly concerned with protecting other’s feelings. The test showed that I am equally open, conscienous, and neurotic. Openness describes people who question the norm and like to play with ideas, have vivid imaginations and enjoy adventures. People who are high on the trait of conscientiousness like order and plan ahead. They don’t become distracted and are not reckless and tend to achieve high levels of success. On the downside, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. And neuroticism refers to people who are easily stressed and find it hard to remain calm in tense situations. They tend to worry a lot about what lies ahead or what has just occurred.
  Overall , I REALLY am totally pleased with my results. I do believe that Dr.Phil has just defined the personality I obtain. Woo-Hoo Doctor P!!!

   I love having friends, loving others, and just being loved. My attitude and mood really are affected by the people I surrond myself with. Generally, I get along with most everyone.. but don't get me wrong- there are those certain few that just really make my skin crawl. Most of the time, those people are my family, which is insane since they do everything for me. Anyways, I just want to thank everyone who has made an appearance in my life. Although some of those people didn't treat me nicely, I am appreciative of the lesson I learned from them. I love them for how they helped me to become accustume to people like them that I will come into contact with in the future. I am thankful for the others that have come into my life and had to leave. Whether they have already been united with Christ in Heaven and left this earth, or if our friendship has simply drifted apart.. I thank them for leaving their footprints on my heart and teaching me many things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I am thankful for the memories and times I had with those people and will cherish them until the day I die, or until I am mentally not able to anymore. I am also blessed to have so many amazing social friends.. I love them all. Not that I do not want a closer relationship with all those people, I just know and understand that not everyone can be my bestfriend. But to those friends that are my true friends.. thank you, thank you, thank you. My true friends are the ones I know I can depend on to catch me when I fall. The ones that will love me no matter what, happy or sad, in joy, in times of trial, and even in rage.

  I really believe that TRUE friends are Jesus with skin on.

  

 

 


  SOME of the people I treasure very much :))

You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back..

Homecoming is my favorite. I love everything about it. Yes, it may be just some silly game with out a dance at Austin, but it's what being a senior is all about. Since my freshman year I've been waiting to be a senior to do all the cool things.. like senior crowns and senior section in the lunch room. But I honestly think I was so excited about senior year for this past week.. homecoming. Some of the best times I have ever had throughout high school were at float construction.. both at Mcats & Beltline. Funny how getting up before ten on a saturday morning and working til 5 that evening, rolling/glueing millions of tissue balls ALL week long is so much fun. I never thought building a dern float with my classmates would bring us all so close. Staying up til 2:30 in the morning finishing the float, dancing, grubbin like Mrs.Coleen, being so delirious everything is super hilarious, getting along with the people you'd never even think about talking to otherwise.. this is why I love homecoming.  Not to mention parading down Bank Street, throwing candy, and chanting "A-U-S-T-I-N.. AUSTIN SENIORS GONNA WIN...OOOOHHH OHHHH" the entire way. Completely acting insane at the Pep Rally, Seniors winning both the Spirit Stick & FIRST PLACE in the float contest.. cramming 10 of us in Rachel's car to go eat Maria Bonita's watching Crystal fuss for limes. Door and windows decorated all across campus, dress-up days all week, class t-shirts, and a ton of announcements. Going out to dinner with a group of friends before the game, taking lots and lots of pictures in our cute outfits. Anticipating who is going to win Homecoming Queen.. cheering so loud we all lose our voices the next day.. and best of all.. Winning 33-30 against the #4 ranked team in Alabama in the last 2 seconds of the game.. partying with everyone after.. Yes. These are the days I'm going to cherish the most about High School. Although I have had so much fun this past week with all this, now its very bitter sweet.. It was my last time to stay up that late working on a homecoming float with all my friends.. it was my last homecoming pep rally.. it was my last homecoming game.. it was the beginning of many "lasts"..

 I love being a part of the Austin High class of 2011. :))

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Fall is beautiful. I love everything about it; the leaves changing colors and falling.. raking up a huge pile of leaves and diving into them.. eating massive bags of candy corn.. going to the pumpkin patch.. feeling the cool breeze in my hair and tasting the crisp aroma it brings.. opening my windows to let the chill in at night.. college football.. big bonfires and hayrides. Everything about fall makes me smile. Which reminds me.. God is amazing. It doesn't make sense to me how some people want "evidence" that God is real other than the bible. I mean, look outside. Its absolutely breath-taking. How would leaves chang colors and fall to the ground if God did not make them that way?? Fall, in my opinion, is the most lovely of all the seasons. God's art work really is beautiful. I think this is why I love this season sooooo much.

I have recently discovered how precious indian babies are. They are all absolutely adorable. I have decided that I want one. I don't know what I would name him or her. Probably Shamookaweeweee. That name seems fun. Poor child.. Hahah. I can't wait to be a mommy someday. I am pretty much determined to have a little indian baby though.. :)) But no matter what, I will love my child/children.

This upcoming week is going to be pretty hectic.. its kind of a bittersweet. Its the week of my senior homecoming. This is exciting.. very exciting actually. I can't wait for the parade and to see whether we FINALLY get 1st place on our float, after being 2nd three years in a row. I also get to go to homecoming with my bestfriend Delisa!! We have sem-matchy-matchy outfits!! Cute, I know!!! Mrs.Brown comes back to school tomorrow, which will make my day!!! My family from Texas is coming in for my cousin's wedding!!! But, to go along with all that fun.. I have SOOOO many assignments due and tests and poems to memorize. And worst of all.. my Uncle's funeral is sometime this week. When it rains, it pours.. as my mama would say. One of my favorite quotes, said by Dolly Parton, is actually similar to this..
   "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. "

k bye.    -jo :)

I've learned to never underestimate the impossible..

"Unsinkable ships, sink
Unbreakable walls, break
Sometimes the things you think would never happen
Happen just like that
Unbendable steel, bends
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable
I've learned to never underestimate
The impossible"    -Joe Nichols

Joe Nichols has a song about underestimating the impossible.. he's right. The impossible does happen. My life has been crazy the past few days.. I dont really understand what's going on, and better yet how I feel about all of it.. this scares me.

My uncle died Friday night. He was only 41. He was in Florida with my aunt, just the two of them on vacation. And next thing you know, we get a call at midnight sayin he's dead. I really don't know the specifics.. so I won't share any thing like that. My uncle didn't really say much to me. He was very quiet. I think I could count on my fingers how many real conversations  I recall that we shared throughout my life to this day. But that didn't mean I couldn't love him. He was a great man. I just never expected this. I never thought someone I love would die so young. He left behind a son. I don't know how he's going to get through this.. I personally wouldn't know how to function after losing my parent at this age. Life makes no sense.

Its hard being a friend sometimes. Its diffucult being a friend to someone that has problems bigger than the way they know how to fight. It doesnt seem fair that a friend is in so much pain.. and no one really knows. I am at my last straw. I have no more ideas off the bat.. which is unusual for me. I don't really know how to help anymore. I thought I was a good friend, but now I've realized there is more that I could have done. I should have taken more initiative to better my friend's life. To lift my friend out of this hole she's dug into over time.. I know I can't change the past. And I don't really need to. I just should have been more responsible.

My mom says it's hard to be "Jesus with skin on".. and I believe her. Its not as simple as it seems. Yes, we all can be compassionate to others, help a neighbor, and do a good deed. But to really be a Jesus with skin on.. that is more diffucult.  We have to go outside of our boundaries and reveal the love of Jesus to the world, not only by sharing the gospel and reading the bible.. but through our actions. Actions speak more than words. This is a hard concept to live by. I fall short in this category quite often, basically I'm a sinner- but whose not?

I have been wondering about things a lot recently. Things that probably have no significance.. like my funeral. I hate funerals. They always seem so sad, dark and depressing.. aren't we supposed to be celebrating the time we had with those people? Celebrating their victory in Heaven with Jesus?.. Yet, we cry and are selfish. Who determines how to bury a person anyways? If I could plan my own funeral.. It would be vibrant and joyous. Pink from wall to wall, almost like pepto threw up all over the place. Kids would walk up the aisles singing songs like "This Little Light of Mine" and such.. I'd have the Brad Paisley song "When I Get Where I'm Goin" played. I'd have big, bright flowers everywhere. Bubbles in the air. I want Mr.Bill Klein to sing the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd Psalm.
 I simply want my funeral to be happy.

I have another confession: I like to whine. Whining makes me feel 450% better. I believe this is the reason I commit this sin so much..