Feelin Rather sPaRaTiC ;))

   I'm  rather fond of the word sparatic. I dont know if that word is defined in the dictionary or not.. but i like to use it. Sparatic.. hmm.. when I think sparatic, i think of a big bouncy slide full of kids climbin every which direction eatin rainbow flavored snow cones in the summer. I think of diving out of a plane without a parachute and going swimmin with the sharks in the Atlantic. I think of singin my lungs out at a country concert in the pourin rain wearin my cowgirl boots. I think of finger painting, blowin colored bubbles and making a purple, play-dough pizza as I pretend to be the world's greatest chef. I think of late night swims with the boy i'm crushin on and how bad I want to kiss him in the rain. I think of goofin off on the soccer field with my teammates. I think of all the nights I stay up and play my very 1st Taylor Swift c.d and cried along to every song. I think of goin to Chick Fil A and not bein ashamed to get a kid's meal and jump in the ball pin as a teenager. I think of throwing popcorn at the movies and dancin up and down every aisle in the theater since no one else is there to judge me. I think of early mornin runs on the beach with my toes barefoot in the sand. I think of rockin a child to sleep in my arms and the joy it brings to my heart. I think of goin horseback riding with the indians and imagining that I'm the next Carrie Underwood. I think of climbin up huge flights of hay in the barn and ploppin down when i reach the top with an ice cold sweet tea on a hot, summer night. I think of goin on the Singin Bee and winnin the money. I think of someday opening my own camp for special needs children and spending every lovin minute with those beautiful kids. I think of loungin by the pool with a pina colida in my hand and my ipod set to Miranda. I think of gettin married on the beach in a flowy, flirty, little dress with my brides maids carryin fancy & colorful umbrellas. I think of a child praying and accepting Jesus into their heart. I think of dancin in my favorite watermelon dress as a little curlyheaded kid. I think of cuddlin with my pillow pets and sneakin out late at night. I think of gettin my ears peirced and buyin new diamond earrings in the shape of stars. I think of pickin blue berries and wrestlin in the snow. I think of goin to dairy queen and ordering the biggest, most fattening blizzard on the menu. I think of winning the Homecoming football game my senior year. I think of sidewalk chalk and easter egg hunts. I think of doin my hair and makeup all pretty to just sit at home and watch movies alone all night. I think of going to church camp and praising Jesus all day long. I think of bon fires and makin smores. I think of wearin my granddad's necklace on my confirmation sunday. I think of watching the ACM's with Hannah and completely spazzin out when Miranda didnt win. I think of gettin a tattoo and buyin 14 items off the $1 rack at Target. I think of bein an old woman and still sleepin with the same blankie I do now. I think of traveling the world and changin my name to somethin really crazy. I think of fallin in love with a man that cherishes me for the person I really am. I think of watchin my favorite movie 5 times in one night. I think of takin lots of redick pictures with my bestfriend and postin them all over Facebook. I think of doin my man laugh in a dark alley. I think of drivin like I'm the next Kasey Kane. I think of maybe someday actually believing I'm beautiful and having the courage to be confident in myself. I think of trustin someone enough to give them all I have. I think of lettin go of a balloon and watchin it soar into the big, blue sky. I think of dancin with Ellen Degeneres and becoming Miranda Lambert's bff. I think of wearing a completely tacky outfit and being able to pull it off. I think of wearin my hair curly and goin to prom. I think of workin at Build-A-Bear and putting the fluff into the stuffed animals :). I think of holdin hands at the movies and makin out on the couch. I think of shakin a pom-pom out the car window goin down the highway and crankin the music up as loud as it goes. I think of not havin to wear my retainer every night and goin to college in Texas. I think of ridin a bull and not fallin off within the first 3 seconds. I think of paintin my nails 20 different colors and bein a kid again. I think of goin to Victoria's Secret and buyin new cute panties. I think of readin my bible as the sun is rising over the hills. I think of tellin him how I really feel. I think of sittin on the swing with my Granny & Granddad every night as a kid eatin popcorn and chocolate icecream. I think of discovering the cure to cancer and helping all those terminally ill. I think of standing in walmart with a big sign that reads: free hugs. I think of becoming a half way decent country singer. I think of winning the lottery and donating to charity. I think of kneeling at the altar for communion and recieving God's forgiveness. I think of being me and being happy. I think of Jesus dying for ME. I think of all the people that mean the most to me. I think of living.. I think of putting up with the rain and the storm to see the silver lining on the other side of the rainbow. I think of having those few minutes of wonderful.. i think of everything magnificent in this world. I think of all the beauty that God has created for us to enjoy.. i think of being sparatic :)).

God shook His head the day He built her.. :)))

 Life is full of little surprises that make you smile. Whoever came up with the saying that the little things are the things that inspire us the most, i owe him/her a BIG hug. He/she was correcto indeedo!! and since I havent updated my blog in a good minute, i've decided to do that tonight. This isn't a formal entry, just the random thoughts that are on my mind.. and right now, i'm thinkin about ALL the things i truly love in this world.. and here is my list :)))) :

• my cow pillow pet, MR. MOO MOO 
• MIRANDA LAMBERT
• small children
• my dixon boys
• play dough
• multi colored nails
• black picture frames
• my tin hello kitty lunch box
• my blankie
• Mrs. Joy
• Grey's Anatomy

• the 3 fishies I got for my birthday: Torres, Arizona, & Enrique Sandoval
• blowin bubbles and writing with sdewalk chalk
• EASTER SUNDAY
• dessert
• tan, sexy, big, buff, hairy-chested, beautiful-eyed, country singin men :)))
• curly hair
• sniffing shampoos
• biting noses

• listening to babies giggle
• Brantley Gilbert & Justin Moore
• Psalm 139
• my granny      
• my 3 bffffffs : Delisa, Brooklyn, & Elise
• twitter.. TWEET TWEET TWEETIN LIKE A BIRD.
• soccer, on some days..
• Lauren Lindsey & Hunter Sandoval
• children's ministry
• AUSTIN, TEXAS!!!!
• wrestlin in the snow
• old pictures
• homecoming
• tshirts
• Let Me Down Easy -Billy

• boys that can play guitar
• cowboy boots & wranglers with a skoal ring
• COWS!!!! especially Anna-Belle :)))
• not wearing make up
• toothpaste
• Brad Paisley
• hole punchers
• having a JOB!!
• the feelin i get whenever Taylor Swift sings about stupid boys
• sneezing
• Country Strong
• the sundrop commercial

• senior class of 2011
• peace sign earrings
• Steel Magnolias
• Who Are You When I'm Not Lookin -blake shelton
• ridin with the windows down blastin some country music
• sweet, sweet summertime
• pina colidas on the beach
• Sonic sweet tea
• colorful personalities
• funny acronymns
• JESUS :))))))

 goodnight amigas :))))

In all I do, I honor you.

   Ever since I can remember, I have "loved Jesus". Yes, I grew up attending church regularly and have claimed to "loving Jesus" my entire life. But I don't know if that "love" I had for Jesus was true?? Is it now? How do I know?? Loving God is a whole lot more complex than it seems. In the world we live in today, we as Christians have created our own "modern-Jesus". We have made it okay to break His commands continuously without repentance. We honestly believe that "God understands" and that" He'll  just forgive me later.." But our God,  the God of the universe, the Maker of ALL things, the Alpha and the Omega,  the ONLY God worthy of all our praise IS a God of love, but He is also a God of judgement and wrath as well. We have created this "modern-Jesus" in self-righteousness to run from God. We have fooled ourselves into believing that God is not serious when He declared that we should put Him first in our lives, and we worship materialistic objects instead.We genuinely believe that "God needs us". But truth is: God is God of all things.. so why in the name of macaroni & cheese does the Lord of all things need us?? That's right, He doesn't.. we NEED Him. We are not worth a penny without Him. We are reliant on Him for everything.. But admitting that is extremely difficult, so instead we try to empower ourselves by thinking otherwise. Although it kills me to admit, but I am guilty of doing this as well.

    I have many faults, and commit many sins.. too many to be numbered actually. One of those faults is my inability to admit my wrongdoings. I absolutely HATE to look bad in front of others. I am also guilty of picking my split ends, being violent at times, and even treating others like complete trash. Another of those faults is my bull-headed-attititude that mixes with my uncontrollable mood swings. Today, I went to Huntsville with my mom, Diane, and the 4 kids to shop. Well, when we left early in the day, I had no idea that I had signed up for an entire 12 hour trip. I had expected to go shopping, maybe eat at Rosies, buy a couple of items, and go home at a relatively early hour... but this is not what they had in store for me. Although I was having a pretty good-time, the kids were driving me bananas. The continuous fighting, picking at one another, and acting like total hellions with no sense to them in every store was a lot to deal with, especially with a headache and little sleep. So, I took the chance to ask my mom if we could just go home.. and she said no. And  like the selfish brat I am, I took this opportunity to throw a complete fit. I didnt want to stay with them any longer.. I wanted to go home and do what I wanted to do.. pleasing them was inconvienincing me and I was not going to tolerate it. So I fussed and yelled.. and it didnt work. So I started thinkin.. Hmm, If talking isnt helping, I'm just going to be rude and NOT say a word to anyone. Of course, mom was asking question after question.. "whats your problem?", "why cant you just do something for someone else?", "are you REALLy this selfish??", "why aren't you answering me??!!", ect.. At this point, being the talkative person I am, I blew up. I couldnt contain my emotions any longer and went on a rant exaggerating reality into some awful place that is just out-to-get-me. I said some hateful and hurtful things. Not only to my mom and Diane, but to the kids. If you know me at all, you know kids are my passion. They are what make me feel excitement and zeal for life and God.. they honestly are the reason God put life into me. So, as I sat there pondering all the things I had just said.. I became overwhelmed with grief and embarrassment. I couldnt believe I had acted in the manner that I did. I couldn't fathom that I had honestly hurt thier feelings and tore them down. But what for?? Why had I acted so immature?? To empower myself.. to make them bow down to me.. to make sure they 'heard me roar'...?? As the car ride continued, I became more and more upset. Finally, I just broke down. I had let my selfishness get in the way of the bigger picture.. I had been defiant to my mom,  placed myself and my own feelings above others, ripped apart their feelings.. and more importantly, I had been disobediant to God.. I had disobeyed Him. It was in that moment that I realized that I owe not only my mom, Diane, and the kids an apology.. but God as well. I pray that God gives me the strength to humble myself to such a level that I can apologize genuinely for acting so terribly.


   I haven't blogged in quite a while.. so it has felt pretty dang amazing doing so again. Blogging gives me peace and a feeling of relief. Whoever came up with the idea of "blogging" was a pretty intellectual kinda guy. I probably owe that guy a lot for his ability to invent something that can prevent my insanity from going on a rampage.. Well, God is good. It is my joy to honor Him in all I do, I pray He gives me the ability to do so.

 love ya. k bye :))

the greatest of these is Love..

 "Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along.." -Bride Wars.

 Its really hard to find someone that you genuinely love more than you love yourself..  The special one person that you would go to the very edge of the world and back to be with.. The someone that understands you more than you know yourself..  the one you know will be there holding you up before you're even able to fall.. The someone you know with all your being, 150% positively positive, without a shadow of a doubt, is your bestfriend.

   I'll never forget how I met Elise.  I wasn't like any of the other third-grade kids; I was the chubby, emotional, dorky kid you didn't want to get stuck with on your kickball team. Well, Elise, the normal sized, cute kid had no choice but to be stuck on my soccer team : The Pink Bunkadoos. With a name like "The Pink Bunkadoos" you know the coach had to be a just a tad bit loco. O bless, Coach Rick Hartman.. That man had a way of scaring the ba-jeebies out of me. EVERY single time I saw that man I cried.. especially at all the practices he discliplined us by making us run laps around the ball he kicked to Timbuktu..not to mention the time he yelled at me for crying so hard I really did piss my pants. Little Elise, being the sweet kid she was, had to nurture me by telling me everything would be okay every time I had the slightest break drown..(I told ya I was the sissy-fied, fat kid). Since I was listed as a player on the Pink Bunkadoo team, I got invited to the soccer sleepover the night before our last game.. and my mean, awful mommy made me go. All the other girls were running around acting crazy, having a blast, spray painting everything pink..as I sat in front of the t.v., burying my sorrows in a slice of pizza, in self-pity since I was having separation-issues from my mommy. Elise was apart of the craziness. Heck, she was the ring-leader running around with no pants on.. (ironic, huh?) But she still made the effort to include me.. even though I was a bit unsocial. 

     My friendship with Elise, if you could even call it that, kinda disappeared after that season. We were on the same DYSA or indoor soccer teams quite often, but never really got to know each other.. we were in Mr.Rikard's 9th grade Honors Biology class together. Mr. Rikard had originally placed me in the desk closest to the window, until I got too distracted by the pretty birds outside, and he decided to move me next to Elise in the front of the class. I was dating Tim at the time and Elise would steal either my binder or my planner everyday and write "Jordan & Tim Forever" on each page.. (O boy was she wrong..HAHA). Then, we kind of just went our own seperate ways.. until 6th period drama last year. 6th period drama.. that class was where our friendship developed. We became bestfriends in that class.. by discovering that we had similiar past's, by making water bottle babies soar in the air, and thru crying as we listened to Miranda Lambert's song 'The House That Built Me".. 

 Elise and I are complete opposites.. or were when we first met in drama. We came from COMPLETELY different ends of the scale.. we really had more differences than similarities..you see, she was C.O.C, I was Lutheran. She LOVES politics, I don't know the difference between a republican and a democrat..  She was ALL up into some drama stuff, I was just in there cause I had no where else to go.. She only listened to broadway music, and I was strictly country.. we really had absolutely nothing in common.. How did we become best friends? We joke about this all the time.. but I'm pretty positive that God just placed us together and worked His magic.. I can't remember the second I knew Elise was my bestfriend.. it just kind of came with time. She always says she knew we were "good friends" from the get-go.. but she realized we were meant to be together the 1st time she ran away and I stuck around.. hah. She's had her fair-share of trial runs for me to leave.. but good luck gettin rid of me!!!

 Elise, like every one of us, has made some bad decisions in her life.. She has to suffer the consequences for her actions and is temporarily at a facility that is allowing her to get her life in order, as it needs to be.. Although she will come out a better, stronger Elise , I don't like her being gone.  I don't like my bestfriend not being here with me everyday.. I am selfish. I miss having 42 missed calls. I miss going running downtown every few nights.. and actually walking since we neither have the ability to run and gossip. I miss discovering cute, little parks and sitting down together pondering life. I miss the adventures we made for ourselves. I miss watching her do her eyelashes. I miss watching Glee and CMT together. I miss the "goodmorning bestfriend" texts. I miss going to Panera and spilling my Chicken Noodle Soup all over my chest. I miss her harmonizing every song she hears. I miss her stealing my jacket since she's so cold-natured. I miss calling her and telling her about my horrid, awful day. I just miss having her here everyday.. You never really know just how much someone means to you until they're gone..  

   

  I am not going to lie, I am kinda frustrated with God. I know He has a purpose for everything.. but it just doesn't make any sense to me. Why does He let me love?? Why does He allow me to become so emotionally attatched to someone, then in a sense, take them away?? Why is it always MY friends that leave? First it was Julia moving back to Germany, now Elise.. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and yell at the top of my lungs, "REALLY GOD?!" I don't like feeling this emptiness.. I don't like being torn away from the people I love. Certian people have told me not to let myself get so attatched and not to love others.. but how can you hold back those feeling? How can you just walk away? Although the pain may be deep, the love endured is worth the hurt. Dear God, please just give me a sign that everything is okay.. help me not to be so selfish.. help me to be more like You.. open my eyes to see Your glory.. 

  This is my 1st blog in quite a while.. It may not be "sophisticated" or "fun to read".. but it's what's on my heart. I have too much on my mind to keep on writing.. Exams are gonna kick my butt. Christmas is coming soon, and I havent bought a gift.. But God is good. He is the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.. I am placing everything in His hands..

With grateful heart I thank You Lord for all these simple things..

  Thanksgiving is tomorrow. This doesn't even seem possible. It seems like just yesterday was January 1st.. This year is literally FLYING by. I don't know how I feel about this.. yeah sure, I am BEYOND excited to eat all the yummy goodness my family members bake.. but it's just not right this year. I feel like this is the last REAL Thanksgiving of my "childhood". This entire Thanksgiving week I've been home with my family, and the Bauers of course.. But next year, chances are I won't have that opportunity. I will have to fly in from Texas.. hopefully. Thanksgiving was my favorite as a kid. Yes, I was a MAJOR fatty (still am) , but the food wasn't the entire reason I loved it so much. I love Thanksgiving for many reasons. I love the family traditions we made. I love the food. I love spending time with my family. I love the memories. My Granny and Granddad always went ALL out on Christmas decorations. When I say all out, I mean it. The saturday before Thanksgiving a big group of family and friends would all work together to put up every scene in my granny's front yard and grub on my Granny's homemade chilli and cinnamon rolls. Every thing from Frosty & his family, to a family caroling, to a church steeple, to santa, to the manger scene, to the HUGE bible,  was put up every year along with the beautiful lights. Then, Thanksgiving night, after we held hands for our prayer and ate all the delicious food, the entire family would congregate out on the street to watch as my Granddad turned on the lights to mark the beginning of the Christmas season. I will never forget the way my heart raced as those lights came on.. the beauty of the glow of the string of lights on the Bible.. the proud smile my Granddad had as he saw all of us on the curb side.. the way my Granddad would yell "Jojo" and swarm me in his arms, my head onhis chest, as he whispered he loved me..  the entire night was miraculous. I will forever cherish those Thanksgiving nights. Whenever I think of Thanksgiving, I try to forget the year my Granddad was very ill with cancer. I try to forget that he couldn't keep down a bite of food.. I try to forget that he put on a "happy" face so we would all eat, as he sat on the couch without a single thing on his plate.. I try to forget that he took a bite so my mom would stop worrying, which didn't stay down either.. I try to forget his pain. But nothing, not even the cancer, could keep him from turning on those lights. But then I remember how his face glowed the second he hit the switch and saw the dark night sky light up. That moment, as I stood on the street, I knew that was the last time that would happen.. I knew that was my Granddad's last Thanksgiving with us on this earth.. I knew those decorations and lights would never go up again.  I  wish we could have continued to decorate my Granny's house every year. I  wish my Granddad was still here to celebrate with. I wish I could go back to relive one of those Thanksgiving nights for just one more time..  Over the past few years I have realized that traditions may change, and family members may die, but no matter what, one thing is definite: I am blessed beyond measure .

 
  

CMA's :)

  I do believe that God created country music with me in mind. There is absoluetly NOTHING else that makes me this happy. I really don't remember the exact moment that I fell in love with the entire country music genre. Thinking back to my childhood, I remember jamming out daily to Shania Twain, Brooks & Dunn, Reba, George, Tim, Faith.. and so many more. Who would've guessed that now, 17 years into my life, I would find happiness and comfort in country music??  I can picture it now.. a room full of mom's ranting about how awesome their children are.. My mom would be stuck saying, "Yea, well.. Jordan knows everything there is to know about each country star. Did you know that Miranda's dog is named Cher? Jordan told me that.." My poor family, they must be so proud.
    Tonight was the biggest night of the year for country music : The 44th annual CMA's. To say I lost it would be an understatement. The very second that the Red Carpet premiere came on I was GLUED to the screen. I was VERY VERY pleased with the winners in every category tonight. Brad won Entertainer of the Year :))) This made me VERY happy. I do love when men get teary eyed accepting an honor as big as Brad got tonight. He is an incredible man, I look up to him so much.
    My girl, Miranda, was up for 9 nominations tonight and went home with Female Vocalist, Albulm of the Year, Song of the year for 'House That Built Me', and Video of the Year with 'White Liar'. I have to admit that I did cry every time she was announced the winner of a specific category. Heck, I was so excited for her that I cried whenever she appeared on the screen. Did I mention that tonight was her birthday AND her first time to win any CMA award!!??!! And she went home with more titles than anyone else in Country Music did tonight!! Miranda Lambert is simply awesome, and I can't wait for us to be bestfriends. End of Story.

         Here is a list of all of tonight's winners:
Entertainer of the Year : Brad Paisley
Male Vocalist: Blake Shelton
Female Vocalist: Miranda Lambert
Albulm of the Year: Miranda Lambert's Revolution
Single: Lady A's 'Need You Now'
Song: Miranda's 'House That Built Me'
Video: Miranda's 'White Liar'
New Artist of the Year: Zac Brown Band
Group: Lady A
Duo: Sugarland

 Country music is the absolute best. I am proud to call myself a fan. I believe that some of these artists explain exactly what is so amazing about country music in these quotes..
     " Country music is the people's music. It just speaks about real life and about truth and it tells things how they really are. " -Faith Hill.

    " Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy." -Dierks Bentley.

    "Country music is still your grandpa's music, but it's also your daughter's music. It's getting bigger and better all the time and I'm glad to be a part of it." -Shania Twain.



  God is so good. :)) I am so thankful for all He has provided me.. Thank you, Jesus. Help me live my life for You. You are the potter, I am the clay.

"you'd find God's grace in every mistake & always give more than you take.."

   Christians and nonchristians both criticize and critique Eve for taking a chomp or two out of that fruit from the forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden.. and yes, I admit I've done it a few times as well. It is hard to pass up the convenience to blame the failures and wrongdoings I commit on her, especially since her action first brought sin into the world.
   But you know, in a way we all resemble Eve. Each and everyone of us are sinners, and if we were in her situation, we would have made the same actions that she did. Think about it, this little slithery creature comes on up to you, insisting that you take a bite out of a delicious & desirable, piece of fruit.. a piece of fruit that with one chew will make you all-knowing like God. Sounds pretty good, huh? I have to admit, I would have wanted to take a bite too. You know, Eve remembered that God had strictly and directly informed her NOT to eat anything which came off of that tree.. but that little slithery demon convinced her that God was "just kiddin". Think this isn't relevant to our life? In today's terms it could probably be translated better by a boyfriend/girlfriend when they say, "Its okay.. I love you. Come on, just have sex with me. God will understand that we're not married, he was just kiddin about that waiting 'til marriage stuff.." or a friend which insists, "C'mon, take a sip, take a puff.. Just do it. Nothings wrong with having a little fun. God will forgive you in the morning.." 
   You see, we are ALL guilty. We ALL do wrong and make mistakes.We are ALL sinners. There is absolutely no way to sugar-coat that or try to beat around the bush. Sin is our specialty as humans, and until we are in heaven with Christ, there is no way to hide from it. This is something I've recently realized.
   My entire life I have just went through life, repenting and asking God to forgive me of my sins.. when I really don't know for sure if I was genuinely sorry for them. Yeah, I felt bad, but was that really what God means by repenting? To repent is listed in the dictionary as: To feel such regret for past conduct as to change one's mind regarding it. God says in Ezekiel 18:31-32, "Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!"
    Then, why is it SO hard for me to admit my sins? Especially since I know that God already knows what I did.. Why do I run from my mistakes?  Aren't mistakes supposed to make us stronger? Are they not learning experiences? If so, why do I feel so terrible? Why do I feel like I have disobeyed God and that He is angry with me? Why do I feel like my parents despise me? Why can't I get over it? Why am I constantly reminded of my wrong-doing? The only answer to this is simple : Satan. Satan is viscous. Satan tries to work his way into everything, and sometimes is successful. & once he does, he brainwashes me into believing that I am horrid. That God will never forgive me, that my parents hate me. That I am not a child of God.
  But not this time. This time, I am learning from my mistakes. I am not going to allow myself to be brainwashed.. I may not be able to stop Satan from plotting his way into my life.. but I CAN rebuke him and his evil ways. I can change my actions. I can repent and truly be sorry for my actions. My plate has been wiped clean, perfectly clean, by God through His love. A love so strong that it is binded through and with the blood of Jesus. I may not be perfect, but I AM a child of God.

"Oh darling, don't you ever grow up.. Just stay this little.."

    Sometimes growing up isn't easy. I learned this last night. Sometimes closing one chapter in the book is harder than we could ever imagine. Sometimes, we realize that our everyday normal will soon be different. Sometimes, we simply grow up without knowing. Last night was my very last Austin football game. I stood on those rough, cold bleachers for the last time.. the same bleachers which I have stood for the past 4 years every friday night. I cheered with the student section as the cheerleaders led the chants for the last time. I danced my butt off to my favorite cheers for the last time.  I yelled my heart out for my classmates playing their hearts out on that field for the very last time. I locked arms and held tight to my friends, singing the Alma Mater for the very last time at a Football game. I lingered after the game starring at Ogle stadium which has been my home for the past 4 years for the last time as an AHS student. I laughed, cheered, smiled, and cried with the class of 2011 for the last time at Ogle. It doesn't really seem real. I never could have guessed I would have been such an emotional train wreck over what some call a stupid football game. But for me, its so much more. Watching friday night football in the AHS student section in Ogle is where I felt most at home. It's where I was most proud to be a black bear. The best memories of high school for me have been there. Ogle saw the beginning of my high school years. Ogle saw the start of many relationships for me. Ogle saw many good times with my best friends, including Julia. Ogle saw heartbreak as we lost games. Ogle saw me grow. Ogle was my home for the past 4 years.. but it is now over. Closing this season really hit home for me. It made me realize senior year will be over before I know it. I will soon be 1'000's of miles away, hopefully in Texas, following my dreams. Although I know I will be fine, I am going to miss this. I am going to miss my friends. I am going to miss standing among hundreds of AHS fans at Ogle cheering for the team which I belong to. I am growing up, I am going to graduate in less than 8 months. Austin football is officially over for me. This is the beginning of the lasts..

Julia :)

   I would really just like to take some time to thank the inventor/creator of Facebook. My life is a whole lot better with Facebook. This is probably completely unhealthy to be this in love with a social network.. But who doesn't love Facebook? I made my facebook about two summers ago to stay in touch with all the awesome friends from around the country that I made at ECCE in St.Louis, since all of them were beyond Myspace.. which makes me ask : who even gets on there anymore? I NEVER do.  Anyways, I never would have guessed that now, just two years later, Facebook would swarm the world.. Think about it. You know society is going crazy whenever jobs, schools, churches, and organizations worldwide use Facebook as their primary way of contact. I know that I personally get more information via Facebook than any other way of communication. This just blows my mind. But hey.. kuttos ( is that right? I'm trying to expand my horizons) to the dude that created Facebook.. YOUR MY HERO, MAN!!!

   I got a message on Facebook (imagine that! ) from Julia today. It made me VERY happy. But I do admit, I did sob quite a bit while reading it. I'm very proud of her, and ecstatic that she is so joyful and things are going so great for her.. but that doesn't change the fact that I miss her so much and wish she was here with me. I have blogged about this before, but Julia is very special to me. The friendship Julia and I have is not like any relationship I have ever had before. She came into my life and literally changed me forever. Before I met her, I didn't know what a true friend was. I didn't know how to love someone else more than myself. I didn't know how to trust someone with my life. I didn't know how to let God become the center of my friendship with someone else. I just was blind to the whole concept of having a best friend forever. Then, Julia came into the picture.. She opened my eyes and became my best friend FOREVER. She is just amazing, I can't even think about Julia without smiling and laughing. You know, the majority of the time we have been friends we have been millions of miles apart. Its taken me a while to be strong and sure enough to say this, but I'm glad that we have been placed on opposite sides of the globe. No, I'm not saying I would have chosen this for our friendship, but it has made our relationship so much more precious. The distance between us may keep us from talking for periods longer than we would like, but when we do get the opportunity to talk.. it is overwhelming and completely uplifting. I really miss my bff. Reading her note made me really emotional, not only did I shed tears out of my own personal anger that she is not here with me, but I cried tears of joy. I cried because my best friend is happy and doing well. I cried because I recalled all the amazing memories we have. I cried because I know there are so many more to come. I cried because I have a best friend that loves me and will never leave. I cried because I love Julia more than I love myself. I cried, mostly, because I am thankful that God placed Julia in my life.

   My week is going to be hectic. The Taylor Swift cd comes out tonight at midnight.. I'M SUPER EXCITED!!! Taylor Swift is absolutely the best!! Tomorrow night I get inducted into National Honor Society at school.. this is bittersweet. It makes me think of graduation and leaving Decatur. This week I also have soccer tryouts. I am beyond excited for this, I'm really happy that I'm playing my senior year. last year's break from the team really upset me. Thursday will be the very last football game I will attend as a student at AHS.. I don't even know how to handle this. Football games, ogle stadium, jumping and cheering in the student section.. those are the best times I've had during in high school, so Thursday is sure to be emotional. But best of all, FRIDAY IS VEGGIE TALES!!!! I'm ecstatic and can barely wait to see Bob & Larry with my Dixons :)))) Go ahead, laugh all you want. But I get to see Veggie Tales & you don't !!!

  My life is great. :) K bye!!     love --jo. :)

"Cause when you're 15 and someone tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.."

   Teenage relationships are crap 90% of the time. I understand that some young couples are actually in it for the right reasons, but that's only about 10% of them. The majority of  "dating" is just who is hooking up with who, who is drunk & partying together, & who is so-and-so playing.. Is this something to be proud of? Well, on the bright side- at least they are claiming one another, thats one good thing about it all. I would say that changing your relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship with____" is something precious.. but it should really say "hooking up with ___" or "cheating on ____with _____, ____, & _____."
   I don't have a problem with dating in high school. I just think it's kind of crazy. I mean, yes you test out all the possibilities & see what you find attractive on the opposite sex, or in alot of cases these days, the same sex.. but chances are, you're never going to have any sort of connection to one another after graduation and senior trip. Dating would be awesome in high school if it was like it was way back when. Like it is in movies when you went out to a drive-in, held hands, shared a soda, maybe had a sweet, goodnight kiss.. made tapes for one another, actually called rather than texting.. But now days the majority of people dating are just together based on physical attraction and that sort of stuff. I know there are several couples which are the exception, those people are not who I am talking about.. I actually respect them. I'm proud that they can stay modest and true to one another in high school., and I pray that if it is God's will for them that they make it forever.
   I've never really dated alot in high school. I've had one somewhat-long relationship.. But I don't miss it. I was stupid. I thought I 'loved' him. What was I thinking? I was a stinkin freshman. I was stupid. I'm not putting the boy I dated down at all, I have nothing against the boy.. well man now. I just simply was not in love. Looking back, I am proud of myself for not giving into him like many of my friends were doing in their relationships. I'm proud that I went through all that I did. I'm glad that we broke up and I didn't fall apart like so many girls do. I'm proud that I don't wish to go back to that. I'm proud that I learned from my experiences. I respect him for that. In some ways, he helped me realize that I don't want to be tied down to one boy in high school. I have plenty of time to find my soul mate, to find that man God has planned for me. Taylor Swift's song, Fifteen, is awesome. I believe it should be declared the teenage/high school girl's anthem.. here is the chorus:

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen
Feeling like there nothing to figure out
Well count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen

 Dr.Phil's show yesterday was based on personality tests and how everyone is different and reacts differently and how it affects our relationships with one another. Well, he had everyone on the show take The Big Five Test, I took it and here are my results:

10

10.7

10.8

Openness

10

10.4

11

Conscientiousness

14

8.5

9.1

Extraversion

5

10.1

10.6

Agreeableness

10

5.7

6.7

Neuroticism

Females

Males

You

   It's so crazy how this one test could completely capture my personality. So, as the chart shows, I scored most highly in extraversion, which means I am talkative, enthusiastic, cheerful and energetic & can also be assertive. My lowest score was in my ability to be agreeable. It stated that people low on this trait are honest, blunt and not particularly concerned with protecting other’s feelings. The test showed that I am equally open, conscienous, and neurotic. Openness describes people who question the norm and like to play with ideas, have vivid imaginations and enjoy adventures. People who are high on the trait of conscientiousness like order and plan ahead. They don’t become distracted and are not reckless and tend to achieve high levels of success. On the downside, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. And neuroticism refers to people who are easily stressed and find it hard to remain calm in tense situations. They tend to worry a lot about what lies ahead or what has just occurred.
  Overall , I REALLY am totally pleased with my results. I do believe that Dr.Phil has just defined the personality I obtain. Woo-Hoo Doctor P!!!

   I love having friends, loving others, and just being loved. My attitude and mood really are affected by the people I surrond myself with. Generally, I get along with most everyone.. but don't get me wrong- there are those certain few that just really make my skin crawl. Most of the time, those people are my family, which is insane since they do everything for me. Anyways, I just want to thank everyone who has made an appearance in my life. Although some of those people didn't treat me nicely, I am appreciative of the lesson I learned from them. I love them for how they helped me to become accustume to people like them that I will come into contact with in the future. I am thankful for the others that have come into my life and had to leave. Whether they have already been united with Christ in Heaven and left this earth, or if our friendship has simply drifted apart.. I thank them for leaving their footprints on my heart and teaching me many things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I am thankful for the memories and times I had with those people and will cherish them until the day I die, or until I am mentally not able to anymore. I am also blessed to have so many amazing social friends.. I love them all. Not that I do not want a closer relationship with all those people, I just know and understand that not everyone can be my bestfriend. But to those friends that are my true friends.. thank you, thank you, thank you. My true friends are the ones I know I can depend on to catch me when I fall. The ones that will love me no matter what, happy or sad, in joy, in times of trial, and even in rage.

  I really believe that TRUE friends are Jesus with skin on.

  

 

 


  SOME of the people I treasure very much :))