I've learned to never underestimate the impossible..

"Unsinkable ships, sink
Unbreakable walls, break
Sometimes the things you think would never happen
Happen just like that
Unbendable steel, bends
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable
I've learned to never underestimate
The impossible"    -Joe Nichols

Joe Nichols has a song about underestimating the impossible.. he's right. The impossible does happen. My life has been crazy the past few days.. I dont really understand what's going on, and better yet how I feel about all of it.. this scares me.

My uncle died Friday night. He was only 41. He was in Florida with my aunt, just the two of them on vacation. And next thing you know, we get a call at midnight sayin he's dead. I really don't know the specifics.. so I won't share any thing like that. My uncle didn't really say much to me. He was very quiet. I think I could count on my fingers how many real conversations  I recall that we shared throughout my life to this day. But that didn't mean I couldn't love him. He was a great man. I just never expected this. I never thought someone I love would die so young. He left behind a son. I don't know how he's going to get through this.. I personally wouldn't know how to function after losing my parent at this age. Life makes no sense.

Its hard being a friend sometimes. Its diffucult being a friend to someone that has problems bigger than the way they know how to fight. It doesnt seem fair that a friend is in so much pain.. and no one really knows. I am at my last straw. I have no more ideas off the bat.. which is unusual for me. I don't really know how to help anymore. I thought I was a good friend, but now I've realized there is more that I could have done. I should have taken more initiative to better my friend's life. To lift my friend out of this hole she's dug into over time.. I know I can't change the past. And I don't really need to. I just should have been more responsible.

My mom says it's hard to be "Jesus with skin on".. and I believe her. Its not as simple as it seems. Yes, we all can be compassionate to others, help a neighbor, and do a good deed. But to really be a Jesus with skin on.. that is more diffucult.  We have to go outside of our boundaries and reveal the love of Jesus to the world, not only by sharing the gospel and reading the bible.. but through our actions. Actions speak more than words. This is a hard concept to live by. I fall short in this category quite often, basically I'm a sinner- but whose not?

I have been wondering about things a lot recently. Things that probably have no significance.. like my funeral. I hate funerals. They always seem so sad, dark and depressing.. aren't we supposed to be celebrating the time we had with those people? Celebrating their victory in Heaven with Jesus?.. Yet, we cry and are selfish. Who determines how to bury a person anyways? If I could plan my own funeral.. It would be vibrant and joyous. Pink from wall to wall, almost like pepto threw up all over the place. Kids would walk up the aisles singing songs like "This Little Light of Mine" and such.. I'd have the Brad Paisley song "When I Get Where I'm Goin" played. I'd have big, bright flowers everywhere. Bubbles in the air. I want Mr.Bill Klein to sing the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd Psalm.
 I simply want my funeral to be happy.

I have another confession: I like to whine. Whining makes me feel 450% better. I believe this is the reason I commit this sin so much..